Beat Authority Figure Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

156 Results for Beat Authority Figure

View 111 - 120 results for beat authority figure comic strips. Discover the best "Beat Authority Figure" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cost estimate, deny, numbers, manipulate, decisions, hurt, typing at computer, humming noise, annoy, go away, angry face, home, sitting on couch

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker says, "Can I get a rough cost estimate for the design phase?" Dilbert says, "No. I don't trust you with numbers." Coworker says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You're the kind of guy who will remove useful qualifiers and distribute a figure as if it is true in all cases." Dilbert says, "Decisions will be made. People will get hurt." Dilbert says, "For everyone's sake, the safest thing I can do is make an annoying humming sound until you go away." Dilbert says, "Hummmmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmmmm." Dilbert says, "Half of life is making people go away." Dogbert says, "Humm-mmmm"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, schedule, conference room, boss, yell, angry, tie up, pointy hair, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I need this room for my meeting." Dilbert says, "Wouldn't it make more sense for you to get a different room since we're already here?" The Boss says, "All of the conference rooms are booked." Dilbert says, "Okay, then I guess we should compare the importance of your meeting versus this one." The Boss says, "That's not how it works." The Boss says, "Conference rooms go to the highest ranked manager." Dilbert says, "It took me months to schedule this meeting!" The Boss says, "Scram." The Boss says, "The goal of this meeting is to figure out why nothing ever gets done around here."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Can I ask you a question?" "Sure, new guy." "How long do I need to work here before..." "...the dark cloud of hopelessness and despair begins to lift?" "I keep expecting the feeling to go away any minute." "I was hoping to achieve job satisfaction within a month." "Once that happens, I figure that total self-actualization can't be far behind." "I'd give it another day or two." "Any minute now."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags presdient, first 100 days, carve name, furniture, switzerland

View Transcript

Transcript

"If you are elected president, what will you do in the first hundred days?" "I figure it will take me at least that long to carve my name in all the furniture." "Then it would be time to wipe that smug smile off of Switzerland's face."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marginally useful things, ageeing, say it a certain way, tone, beat up, ripped shirt, anger, repesct, high strung, co worker

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: "You should check with Ted to see if he knows about this sort of thing." Dilbert: "I'll add that to my list of marginally useful things that other people have suggested I do." Dilbert: "Apparently, agreeing isn't enough. You also need to say it a certain way."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dead horse, meeting room, cahir, beating, good work, havnet beaten long enough, introduce

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I hired a dead horse, he doesn't look like much, but if you beat him long enough, he does good work." Dilbert: "Have you seen him do good work?" The Boss: "I haven't beaten him long enough." "Introduce yourself to the others!" Whap!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, introductions, manager instinct, disengaged, mirror mannerisms, witty side comment, pledge loyalty, dead guy, business

View Transcript

Transcript

I missed the introductions. "I'll use my manager instinct to figure out who's important." "Only a senior executive could get away without looking so disengaged." "I'll mirro his mannerisms so he'll like me." "Now for a witty side comment." "Ha ha! That will happend when monkeys fly our of my nose." "No reaction! He must be so important that he has no sense of humor!" "I pledge my loyalty to you and only you!!!" "I heard that you pledged your loyalty to a daed guy." "At least he won't ask for much."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new director, wist decision support, out source contracts, north elbonia, government reward

View Transcript

Transcript

"My job could not be more meaningless." "I'm looking at my new Director of Post-Decision Support!" "After I make a decision, your job is to figure out why it was the right one." "Save those tears of joy for later. We've got work to do!" "SOB!" "I decided to outsource our nuclear contracts to North Elbonia." "And in return, they'll give us food, if they ever figure out how to grow any." "I expect some fallout from this decision." "Me too." "On the plus side, it won't be long before there's a government reward for killing him."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags celebrity business plan, commit crime, hire lawyer, reality tv show, gain weight, tabloids, spokesperson, weight loss product, write children book, rehab, addicted to painkillers, plan, future plans, goals, sensationalism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "Would you review my celebrity business plan?" Dilbert: "Sure." Dogbert: "First, I'll commit a sensational crime that the media can't ignore." "Then I'll hire celebrity lawyer, Johnny 'Red' Galipigos to help me beat the rap." "I'll use my fame to land a part on a reality tv show where I will win by cheating." "Then I'll gain a massive amount of the weight so the tabloids will fixate on me." "Burp" "Then I'll become a spokesperson for a weight loss product." "It works!" "Lastly, I'll write children's books." Dilbert: "What about rehab?" "Good catch. I totally forgot the part where I get addicted to pain killers." Dilbert: "Otherwise it looks good."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags projects fail, have in common, points to boss, honest, sneezes, figuring the problem

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Asok the Intern are all sitting around a table. The Boss says, "We've got to figure out why all our projects fail." The Boss looks at Alice and asks, "What do all our projects have in common?" Behind The Boss' back, Wally points with both hands at The Boss. The Boss says to Wally, "It might not be obvious." Behind The Boss' back, Alice points with both hands at The Boss. Looking at Alice, The Boss says, "But if we're honest with ourselves..." Behind The Boss' back, Wally holds up a piece of paper with a large arrow on it pointing at The Boss. The Boss says, "We can find the source of the problem." Alice says, "Ah-ah-ah-" as she begins to sneeze. Wally scratches his head with a piece of paper to the sounds of "scratch scratch." Alice sneezes, "Ach-itz-you!!" The Boss says, "Gesundheit." The Boss asks, "So, does anyone know what the problem is?" Alice looks on as Wally says to The Boss, "I've noticed that Dilbert doesn't work as hard as I think he should."