Bereavement Policy Comic Strips - Page 12
130 Results for Bereavement Policy
View 111 - 120 results for bereavement policy comic strips. Discover the best "Bereavement Policy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share February 23, 2009's comic on:
Share July 31, 2009's comic on:
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "My old policy was to have security immediately escort out anyone I fired." Sproing! Catbert says, "But that left too much time for weeping."
Share September 27, 2009's comic on:
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to develop a procedure for creating policies." Dilbert says, "Do we have a policy on how to develop procedures?" The Boss says, "I think someone wrote a white paper on that." Dilbert says, "What's the procedure for finding white papers?" The Boss says, "Maybe you could ask around." Later that night Woman says, "So, what do you do?" Dilbert says, "I ask around to see if anyone knows about a white paper that talks about a policy for developing procedures to create policies." Dilbert thinks, "You find that sexy." Woman says, "Stop doing the Jedi mind trick!"
Share November 01, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Could you make these changes in the database? It will only take five minutes."Man says, "Ooh, I don't know?" Dilbert says, "Wait!" Dilbert says, "Are you planning to spend ten minutes explaining why you don't have five minutes to do this task?" Dilbert says, "Or are you so incompetent that a five-minute task will take an hour?" Dilbert says, "Or are you limited by company policy because you're a feckless waste of carbon?" Dilbert says, "Or are you the agreeable but unorganized type who will say yes, lose my note, and forget who asked?" Man says, "I was planning to tell you this doesn't need to be done and refuse to change my position even after you give me good reasons." Dilbert says, "Experience is just another word for losing hope."
Share August 10, 2007's comic on:
Dogbert: I'm wearing my tall pants and my old-fashioned hairpiece because I'm running for president. "I put a glove on my tail so I can shake 50% more hands." "My policy is to give all the money in the treasury to Iowans. But I might flip-flop after the first primary."
Share May 22, 2005's comic on:
"Alice, company policy says that personal items can not be higher than the cubicle wall." "Just out of curiousity, what is the logic behind that bizarre policy?" "We want to maintain a smooth line-of-sight for aesthetic reasons." "Let me see if I understand your point of view." "My Einstein doll makes the cubicle so hideous that our stock will plunge" "Now if I take it down..." "Gasp! It's so beautiful now! My soul is filled with music! My life has meaning!" "Yea! I just noticed that when I look at this doll and you at the same time, you look hideous."
Share September 14, 2003's comic on:
Alice: "Asok, I designate you the keeper of the giant binder." "It contains our secret technology plans." "It can never leave this office." "It won't fit in any drawer." "And the 'clean desk policy' forbids me from leaving it on my desktop." "GAAA!! I can't take it home, and I can't leave it here!" "I must use it as a tiny bed and spend the rest of my days guarding it." Dilbert: "What did you do with the giant binder prop that you got at the trade show?"
Share November 17, 2013's comic on:
Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.
Share November 07, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: Do you know why I need to carry a company-issued phone plus my own phone? Boss: No. Dilbert: I think it's because our company policy was written by chimps who time-traveled from the fifties. Or do you have a better explanation. Boss: I really don't.
Share March 04, 2015's comic on:
Catbert: Now that our policy is to pay people based on height, your CEO salary is capped, too. CEO: That's what you think. Watch what happens when I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow. Catbert: Well, I guess it only needs to last until bonus season.