Budget Freeze Comic Strips - Page 12

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View 111 - 120 results for budget freeze comic strips. Discover the best "Budget Freeze" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget estimate, #useful numbers, #boss hibernation, #say number, #budget

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Asok the Intern and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss comes in and says, "I need your budget estimate today." Asok replies, "We won't have useful numbers until next week." Dilbert turns and says, "It doesn't work that way, Asok." Asok says, "No?" Asok and Dilbert approach the Boss who stares blankly into space. Dilbert explains, "As soon as he asked the question, he went into 'boss hibernation.'" Dilbert waves his hand in front of his face and says, "He can't see or hear anything until we say a number. Watch." Dilbert says, "Three million dollars." The Boss comes to and says, "Uhn!" The Boss walks away and says, "Three million. Good work." Dilbert says, "The first time I saw it, I panicked and ended up with a budget of $911."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #give his presentation, #irrelevant comparisons, #low budget, #development time, #computers faster, #obvious insights

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Dilbert stands next to a blank projection screen. He says, "My boss asked me to give his presentation." Dilbert puts a transparency on the overhead projector, saying, "I'll start with his irrelevant comparisons." Dilbert points to the projection, saying, "Our budget is lower than last year...". His co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "When we had completely different projects." Pointing to a projection of a graph, Dilbert continues, "Our average product development time is less...". The co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "Than the average for companies who make different products." Dilbert puts another transparency on the projector, saying, "Let's move on to his list of blindingly obvious insights." Standing next to the projction, Dilbert says, "If it's okay with you, I won't read them aloud." The projection reads, "Computers are getting faster!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new marketing camoaign, #no budget, #brave enough, #bold project, #worst job, #hiding

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The Boss: "We need a new marketing campaign but we have no budget for it whatsoever." "Who among is is brave enough to lead such a risky project?" "Okay, you're doing the worst job of hiding under the table."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #handpicked, #team, #no budget, #laziness, #least effirt, #yvonne, #hotness, #power over men, #manipulated by all, #good meeting, #business

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Dilbert: "I hand-picked you two for my team becasue we have no budget." "Wally, your laziness helps you accomplish the most work with the least effort. Yvonne, your hotness give syou the power to make men do what you want for nothing." "So, then Yvonne convinced me to do her work and Wally went on disability leave." Dogbert: "But otherwise, a good meeting?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no budget, #no staff, #wits and computer, #wits, #pencil

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Dilbert: "I might have no budget and no staff to help me on my project, but that doesn't matter." "Because all I need are my wits and my computer." The Boss: "My computer is too slow. I'm taking yours." Dilbert: "My wits and... this pencil." The boss: "Hey, isn't that my pencil?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rated good, #you're not good, #company policy, #fire anyone, #hiring freeze, #get paid

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The Boss: "Wally, I'm rating you "good" but not because you are." "Company policy says I have to fire anyone rated lower than good, and the hiring freeze means it would shrink my empire." "So you can get paid for doing nothing as long as you don't kill anyone." wally: "I can't promise that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leadership succession plan, #freeze hiring, #staff, #pormotion, #bad idea

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Catbert: "You have to have a leadership succession plan." "There's a freeze on hiring, so you'll have to pick someone from your staff." Alice: "So, if something horrible happened to you, I'd get a promotion?" The boss: "This was a bad idea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #freeze n expenses, #freeware version, #readily available, #coffee sipping, #noises

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I couldn't buy the software I need to do my job because of your freeze on expenses. "And our I.S. policy says I can't use the freeware version that is readily available." "So I used the week to develop some new coffee-sipping noises."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #projects budget, #ten percent, #no thinking, #picke dnumber, #cutting hours worked, #36 hours, #affect result

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The boss: I have to cut your project's budget by ten percent. Dilbert: "Ten percent??" dilebrt: "That's the sort of round number you would pick if you did no thinking whatsoever." The boss: "Anything can be cut by ten percent without affecting the result." Dilbert: "Cool! I'm cutting back to 36 hours per week!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #urgent, #budget numbers, #technology, #amazing, #data, #delete spam

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Subject: URGENT Dilbert, give me your budget numbers as soon as possible. "Technology is amazing. I type one message and within minutes I'll have my data." "First order of business: Delete all spam e-mail that has a subject of 'Urgent'."