Disguise True Objective Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

171 Results for Disguise True Objective

View 111 - 120 results for disguise true objective comic strips. Discover the best "Disguise True Objective" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle workplaces, #lowers intelligence, #work ethic, #office, #boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I would be more productive with my own office. Studies show that cubicle workplaces lower intelligence. Boss: You can't be sure that's true because your cubicle lowered your intelligence. Dilbert: Wait... why does that make sense? Boss: Because I have an office.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being replced, #robot, #hack into, #disgruntled robot, #objective unclear, #fax machine, #paranoid

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Im being replaced by a robot that drinks coffee and looks at inappropruye websites all day. Dilbert: Lets hack into it and make it disgruntled. Robot: My objectives are unclear and I think the fax machine is plotting against me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workplace rumours, #idiot, #false rumor, #charging for rumors

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's Rumor Control Ted says, "I need to squash a workplace rumor that I'm an idiot." Dogbert says, "I charge $10 for each false rumor and $1,000 for any rumor I decide is true." Ted says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "Really? That just cost you $1,000."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor control, #paid per rumor, #terrorit training campo, #exotic dancer, #weekends

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Rumor Control Service." Dogbert says, "People are saying Ted is an exotic male dancer on weekends. I know it isn't true because he spends all of his free time in a terrorist training camp." Alice says, "Isn't that worse?" Dogbert says, "I get paid per rumor. It's not a perfect system."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brain, #part of brain, #controls morality, #the natural, #glows from within

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My doctor says everything is fine except for the part of my brain that controls morality." The Boss says, "Gasp! The management prophesies are true. You must be the one they call..." Catbert says, "THE NATURAL?!!" The Boss says, "He glows from within."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lecture, #office, #philosophy, #point, #unknown, #go home early

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "There's no objective standard for measuring how much I should accomplish in any given day." Dilbert says, "Nor can we really know if things would have turned out better had I don't things differently." The Boss says, "Do you have a point?" Dilbert says, "I'm going home early. See if you can tell the difference."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #chart, #appeased, #astonished, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I didn't have anything useful to say so I made this pie chart." the boss says, "Oooh!" Woman says, "Oooh!" CEO says, "It must be true because it's pie." Dilbert thinks, "That worked too well." people say, "I pledge my life and fortune to the pie!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #therapist, #imagination, #prank, #lying down, #cruel, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I worry that the bolzmann brain hypothesis is true and my reality is entirely imagined." Dilbert says, "But if I'm imagining my life, why don't I imagine better things happening to me?" Therapist thinks, "I'll probably regret this practical joke." Mmmm

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leadership, #assignment, #describing, #happy, #ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Ratbert you're my new VP of sales." Dogbert says, "Your job is to set impossible goals for the salespeople and punish them for failing." Ratbert says, "Yay! I always wanted to be a sadist!" Dogbert says, "Dreams do come true."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #salesman, #lying, #annoyed, #reading, #caught

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Your order will only cost about $20,000." Dilbert says, "No it won't." Dilbert says, "We both know you're intentionally underestimating the true cost to get the sale, you lying sack of spit." Man says, "You're not supposed to say that out loud." Dilbert says, "Is it okay if I imagine a bear attacking you?"