Emails Jokes Per Week Comic Strips - Page 12
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575 Results for Emails Jokes Per Week
View 111 - 120 results for emails jokes per week comic strips. Discover the best "Emails Jokes Per Week" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday November 05,
2000
Tags an olympic gold medal, apply own job, emailed jokes, fired, posthumous medal, reclassification of job, requires phd, synchronized swimming 1992, top ten signs
Transcript
Ted asks, "Am I fired?" The Boss, sitting at his desk, answers, "Of course not, Ted. I enjoy e-mailed jokes as much as anyone." Ted smiles as The Boss says, "I'm still laughing about your 'Top Ten Signs That Your Boss Is a Hairless Rodent'." The Boss says, "I asked you here to discuss the reclassification of your job." The Boss says, "Starting today, the job requires a Ph.D. Feel free to apply for your own job." Ted says, "Whew! Luckily, I have a Ph.D." The Boss says, "You do? Well, the job also requires an Olympic Gold Medal." Holding up the medal around his neck, Ted says, "Synchronized Swimming, 1992." The Boss says, "And a posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor."
Sunday July 21,
2013
Tags dating, frustration, relations between the sexes, modern world, purpose of men, money, bad jokes, faltulence, useless men, pondering on importance, relationships
Transcript
Woman: I'm not sure what function men serve in the modern world. My job pays well, so I have all the money I need. If something in my house breaks, I either fix it or pay someone to fix it. If I want a baby, I'll call a fertility doctor. In today's world, men are little more than carriers of bad jokes and flatulence. My gardener mows my lawn. Dilbert: I get it!!! Dogbert: That is disturbing. Dilbert: Not compared to the alternatives.
Wednesday June 25,
2014
Tags celestial bodies, managers & supervisors, black hole, management style, dangerous, importnat emails, employee named ted, business
Transcript
Catbert: Your management style has caused a black hole to form. Boss: Is it dangerous? Catbert: No to us. It only absorbs important emails from employees. And en employee named Ted, apparently.
Tuesday July 08,
2014
Tags frustration, mental health, work ethic, bad attitude, 70 hr. wk.week, hire insane, whistle, happy tune
Transcript
Boss: You have a bad attitude lately. Alice: You made me work 70 hours this week. If you want people who work for free and are happy about it, hire the insane. Boss: I tried that, but I got the wrong kind. Alice: I'll whistle a happy tune if you go away.
Monday March 02,
2015
Wally Wears Heels
Tags height, money, salary, short, tall, wages, clogs, four inch heels, income per year, lump sum, each heel inch
Transcript
Wally: You might have noticed that I'm wearing clogs with four-inch heels. Studies show that every inch of height is worth $1,000 in income per year. Can I have my $4,000 in a lump sum this year? Boss: I know there is something wrong with this...
Monday August 03,
2015
Working Sixty Hours A Week
Tags work ethic, hours, workload, interpretation, negativity
Transcript
Man: I'm working sixty hours a week. Dilbert: Wow. You must be a terrible employee if you have to work long hours just to keep your job. Man: I was hoping you would respect my work ethic. Wally: Wrong table.
Wednesday August 05,
2015
Ted Died Last Week
Thursday January 14,
2016
Software Done Next Week
Tags excuse, laziness, work ethic
Transcript
Boss: Are you any farther along with the software? Wally: I discovered an unexpected problem. That set me back a week. Boss: You say the same thing every week. Wally: No one jumps off a winning horse.
Wednesday April 13,
2016
Don't Read Long Emails
Tags email, tldr, communication, assumption, honesty
Transcript
Man: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I don't read long email messages. Long emails are a sign of a disorganized mind. I try to avoid contact with that sort of person. Man: And yet, here I am. Dilbert: I didn't say it works every time.
Sunday September 16,
2018
Tags Dilbert, employee, calendar, week, awkward, problem, schedule, relative, lunch, sandwich
Transcript
Male Employee: Do you have an hour to meet next week? Dilbert: Let me check my calendar. Next week is not good. Male Employee: You don't have one hour of free time all week? Dilbert: Well, this is awkward. The problem isn't my schedule so much as your total lack of value relative to my alternatives. Male Employee: Maybe we could meet over lunch? Dilbert: I like to focus on my sandwich.