Heres Resume Comic Strips - Page 12

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276 Results for Heres Resume

View 111 - 120 results for heres resume comic strips. Discover the best "Heres Resume" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #network administartor, #my card, #email, #wag tail, #pager numeber, #tilde

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Dogbert stands on the chair armrest and tells Dilbert, "I got hired as the network administrator for your company." Dogbert says, "Here's my card. You can only reach me by e-mail or by pager." Dogbert continues, "When the network breaks, no e-mail. I'll just sit around and wag my tail." Dilbert looks at the business card and says, "Your pager number has a tilde . . . How do I dial a tilde?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #year 2000 problkems, #computer problems, #head spun, #dint explode, #left money, #table

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Dogbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Here's my invoice for fixing your 'Year 2000' computer problems." The Boss screams so loud that Dogbert is thrown from the office. Back at home, Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dilbert says, ". . . So his head spun, but it DIDN'T explode?" Dogbert replies, "Yeah. I guess I left some money on the table."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #liz, #dating other men, #internet, #find hot babe, #credit card number, #inquisitive, #technology

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Dilbert sits at his desk and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "Liz starting dating other men. Two can play at that game." Dilbert continues, "I will use the power of the Internet to find a hot babe. Ah! Here's one." Dogbert says, "She wants your credit card number." Dilbert says, "Ooh! She's inquisitive. I like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #long range career goal, #arm wrestle, #have job in six months, #working for her, #women college, #confident and assertive

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Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert asks, "If you were hired, what would be your long-range career goals?" The woman replies, "I'd have your job in six months. In a year you'd be working for me, you big pile of dinosaur dung." Dilbert looks at the woman's resume and says, "I see you attended an all women's college. Does that make you more confident and assertive?" The woman puts her elbow on the table and says, "Either arm. Let's go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #first cigarette ever, #smoking breaks, #entitled, #3x a day, #smoking, #chatting, #fresh air, #color coded end

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Wally approaches a man and a woman who are smoking. He says, "Here's my first cigarette ever. I'm looking forward to the many smoking breaks I'm entitled to." Wally says, "I'll probably see you three times a day, just smoking and chatting and enjoying the fresh air!" Wally says, "I assume you light the color-coded end, right?" The man and woman drop their cigarettes and say, "I quit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #presentation package, #worked 12 hrs, #creative, #stupor, #dementia, #worse

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Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk looking tired and disheveled. She hands some documents to the Boss and says, "Here's my presentation package. I worked twelve straight hours on it." Alice continues, "That includes three hours of creativity followed by nine hours of stupor, senseless twiddling and outright dementia." Alice says, "I suppose there's only one thing that could make this presentation worse." The Boss says, "Send it around for comments."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #description, #taxi, #cheat, #running the meter, #flat rate, #poor language skills, #efficnecy, #taxi running people

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An attendant says to Dilbert, "This taxi is yours. Here's a description of how he'll cheat you." Dilbert sits in the back of the taxi cab and says, "It says you'll be running the meter despite the flat rate. Then you'll feign poor language skills when I question you." The driver looks crazy. Dilbert says, "I can't fault your efficiency, though." The driver hits a bicycle and a pedestrian.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 1997's comic on:


Tags #annual performance review, #past two weeks, #vacation, #two weeks, #spread motivation

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The Boss hands Tina the Tech Writer a document. He says, "Here's you annual performance review, Tina." The Boss continues, "I focused on your performance for the past two weeks because I don't remember anything farther back." Tina screams, "I was on VACATION for the past two weeks!!!" The Boss replies, "No time to chat. I need to spread some motivation over here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bad news, #perfromance review, #bell curve, #make up flaws, #does not wash hands, #after restroom

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The Boss tells Wally, "Bad news on your performance review, Wally." The Boss continues, "Everyone performed the same. But I'm required to rank the group on a bell curve." The Boss continues, "I had to make up some flaws to move you down the curve. Here's a pen. Sign it." Wally reads the review, "Employee does not wash hands after using the restroom."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #wendy, #new secretary, #time to process, #pay increase, #on desk, #three months, #more is not better

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Carol tells Dilbert, "This is Wendy, my new secretary." Dilbert replies, "I didn't know secretaries could have secretaries." Dilbert asks, "Now will you have time to process my pay increase? It's been on your desk for three months." Carol and Wendy laugh. Dilbert thinks, "Here's another case where more is not better."