How To Program Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for How To Program

View 111 - 120 results for how to program comic strips. Discover the best "How To Program" comics from Dilbert.com.

How It Feels To Be Useless

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How It Feels To Be Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, work ethic, engineers, stress, reward, laziness, dedication

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: How's it feel to be the hardest-working employee in engineering? Alice: I feel tired, sore, exhausted, sick, angry, stressed out, and lonely. Wally: You probably don't want to know how good it feels to be useless.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

How Amazing The Weekend Was

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Amazing The Weekend Was - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags relationships, friendship, small talk, love, dating, frustration, obliviousness, conversation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you want to hear how amazing my weekend was? Alice: No. Would you like to hear about the extended tragedy that is my social life? Boss: No. I went to the mountains. Alice: I fell in love with a dying polygamist.

Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags singularity, machines, robot, technology, control, power, intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Did you teach the robot how to program? Dilbert: I did. He's a fast learner. Alice: Have you heard of something called the singularity? Dilbert: Yes. Why do you... Is it too late to say I wasn't involved?

How It Would Be With Robots In Charge

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How It Would Be With Robots In Charge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, slave, enslavement, power, responsibility, laziness, work ethic, annoyance, frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Buwhahahaha! I will use my superior robot brain to enslave humankind! Wally: That probably sounds better than it would actually be. How It Would Be: Wally: I'm tired. I need to recharge. Robot: Gaaaa!!! I hate owning you!

How Work Is Going

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Work Is Going - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, existence, happiness, fulfillment, frustration, job, business, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: How was work? Dilbert: Are you being sarcastic? You know my life is an endless string of useless tasks orchestrated by idiots. Why do you even ask? Dogbert: I like hearing it? Dilbert: Your honesty is not refreshing.

How Conversations Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Conversations Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags antisocial, conversation, distraction, phone, social, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The weather will be good this weekend. Alice: Stop right there. Your proposed topic of conversation is far below the level of entertainment I can get from my phone. Dilbert: I don't know how conversations work. Dogbert: You're interrupting my phone time.

Telling People How To Do Their Jobs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Telling People How To Do Their Jobs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job, quality assurance, misunderstanding, micromanage, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alan, From Quality Assurance. Boss: Is it true that the only thing you have been doing is assuring people we have quality? Alan: I don't like to tel people how to do their jobs. Boss: Telling people how to do their jobs is literally your job. Alan: In that case, stop doing all of this.

How Long For New Feature

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Long For New Feature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, excuse, legacy, deception, engineer, programmer, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: How long would it take to add that feature to the legacy system? Wally: That depends. When will the new system replace the legacy system? Tina: In six months. Wally: The new feature would take seven months.

Wally's Sleep Vr

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Sleep Vr - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags vr, virtual reality, sleeping, nap, deception, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I wrote a VR program that creates the illusion you are asleep. Watch me demonstrate. ZZZZZ. CEO: How long should I watch?

Virtual Vr And Jail Program

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Virtual Vr And Jail Program - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virtual reality, cubicle, office, torture

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As you requested, I wrote a VR program that makes users feel as if they are in cubicles. I put only your name on the credits because I expect an angry mob to kill whoever created it. I also wrote a VR jail program in case you want to be in protective custody. Boss: I might need that.