How To Do Your Job Comic Strips - Page 12
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View 111 - 120 results for how to do your job comic strips. Discover the best "How To Do Your Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk and shouts, "I'm a loud dog! Give me a job! You must obey me because I'm loud!" The Boss says, "Okay okay." Dogbert says, "That was too easy. There must be something wrong with the job. It must be an entry level job . . ." Dogbert stands on the desk and kicks something at the Boss. Dogbert shouts, "I want a raise!! Promote me, you imbecile!!" The Boss thinks, "Bad trend."
Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the hassock. Ratbert asks, "Why did you quit your job as company president?" Dogbert replies, "I made a fortune on my stock options and retirement payout." Dogbert says, "I'm going to turn my attention to philanthropy." Ratbert asks, "Is that the study of people named Phil?" Dogbert replies, "It's mostly about watching people beg and having buildings named after me."
The Boss: We're flattening the organization to eliminate levels and put everybody in a wide salary band. Now instead of not getting a promotion. you'll only not get a raise, wally: So what job title do we use? The Boss: You'll all be named Beverly.
Dilbert: Id like permission to keep a plastic plant in my crucible, Security guard: Permission denied! Plants attract bugs. If I can't tell its plastic how are the bugs going to know the difference? Dilbert: With all due respect m bugs are way smarter than you. Security: Oh yeah? Id like to see them do this job.
Wally: Sometimes I think these constant reorganizations are just excuses for getting rid of unwanted employees. Wally: what job did you end up with? Dilbert: Organ donor Wally: My shoulder is acting up. Do I talk to you or is there a form to fill out? Dilbert: I don't think thats an "Organ"
"This is Dogbert's Headhunting Service." "I've got a job that pays a hundred thousand per year and requires no skill whatsoever." "No, I didn't say it's available. I called to brag about my own job."
"I guess it's time to go back to my dimly lit cubicle and see if my carpal tunnel has crippled me yet." "This is a lot like my last job as a coal miner, but without the threat of a gas explosion." "I'm moving you to a new cubicle over by Wally." "Better get a canary."
"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."
Dogbert's Ad Agency Dogbert: Your commercial should compare your best assets to the competition's worst. we'll use a hidden camera to film your employees on the job. The Boss: I missed something here... Dogbert: we'll imply that they all work for the competition . this isn't a documentary.
Dilbert: The only way to finish the project on time is by adding four engineers. Wally: theres one other option. you could make menacing statements about filberts job security until he works five times as hard. Just kidding. hee hee! The Boss: Ive been thinking about reducing headcount.