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The Boss is sitting at his computer. He thinks to himself, "My powers of communication will inspire them to be better employees." Dilbert points at his computer screen and exclaims, "Gaaa!! He's using his powers of communication against us!" Wally looks on with a panicked expression. Asok walks past Dilbert and Wally's cubicles like a zombie. His arms are out- stretched and his body is stiff. He says, "Must work harder for no good reason." Dilbert and Wally poke their heads from behind their cubicle walls. Dilbert says, "We're too late!"
Headline: Sales Training. The speaker points to a picture of an overly smiley man. He says, "Don't act like you're selling something." The speaker points to a picture of a man getting a wedgie. He says, "A good sale is like a good wedgie. Your victim shouldn't see it coming." The speaker continues, "For this next demonstration I need a volunteer who can't see what's coming." The man next to Dilbert raises his hand.
Dilbert comes home. He says to Dogbert, "I just had a good meeting." Dogbert responds, "Maybe it just didn't last long enough to reveal the incompetence of the attendees." Dilbert replies, "That's what I call a good meeting." Dogbert responds, "I'm having a bad meeting."
Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to Dilbert and Wally, "The bad news is that I had to get rid of our marketing department." Catbert continues, "The good news is that we have tons of nondairy creamer!" Dilbert and Wally are drinking coffee. Dilbert asks, "Do you think those two things are related?" Wally replies, "If they are, I'm cutting back to five cups a day."
Wally, Catbet, Dilbert, Alice and Asok are in a meeting. Catbert says: "We're changing to a cash balance pension plan." Catbert says: "It will make the company much more competitive." Asok is sitting between an elder co-worker and Alice, Asok says: "Yippee!!! A cash balance plan is good for young employees!" The older employee stands up and says angrily to Asok: "Oh, yeah? Well it's not so good for me!" The older employee says: "I demand that you change it back!" Asok screams: "No!" The older employee throws himself on top of Asok who raises his arms in defense. The older employee says: "I'll snap you like a dried twig, you little zygote!" Asok says: "Ouch! Stop clubbing me with your artificial hip!!" Wally, Catbert and Dilbert watch the fight with no reaction. Wally says to Catbert and Dilbert: "On the plus side, they do seem more competitive."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Good news, Dilbert. I'm promoting you to more work!" The Boss continues, "It's the same pay and title. But it must be good because I called it a promotion and I'm smiling!" The Boss forces a severe smile and says, "Still..smiling..good...news..." Dilbert responds, "You're scaring me."
Carol says on the telephone, "Send a copier repair guy. And make sure he's good-looking." Carol continues, "Because I live in a big tin can and I work in an egg carton. Flirting is the only joy I have." Carol continues, "Nothing's wrong with the copier yet, but I feel a fierce paper jam coming on."
A new employee approaches Dilbert and says, "I'm a new guy with no assignment. I'm looking for a project to horn into." The new employee continues, "But don't be threatened by me. I'm exceptionally ineffectual." The new employee continues, "I'm trying to build a career based on good attendance and head-nodding."
Roboboss says to Alice, "I am Roboboss. You are a valuable asset. Keep up the good work." Alice replies, "That is the most shallow compliment I have ever heard. But it still made me feel good." Alice continues, "So.. Are you seeing anyone?" Roboboss replies, "High five!"
The Boss stops a sad employee and says, "Hey, guy, cheer up. You can choose to have a good attitude!" The sad employee replies, "I just found out I have six months to live." The Boss smiles and hands the employee a book. The Boss says, "Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Try reading the book yourself."