Keep Him Away Comic Strips - Page 12

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832 Results for Keep Him Away

View 111 - 120 results for keep him away comic strips. Discover the best "Keep Him Away" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dont know, #flashdrive, #gadgets, #hand, #illness, #where its been, #data

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Coworker: I put the data on a Flash drive for you. Dilbert: Get that thing away from me. I don't know where it's been. Coworker: I hope you mean the Flash drive and not my hand. Dilbert: I did. But you raise a good point about the hand.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #saving & investment, #stock market, #mba, #losing money, #money in gold, #shiny portfolio, #money

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CEO: I have an MBA and yet I keep losing money in the stock market. How can this be? Boss: I put all of my money in gold because it's shiny. My portfolio doubled last year. I'm thinking of getting an MBA. How long does it take? A week?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #down load apps, #new phone, #primary job, #formulas in excel

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Boss: Can you show me how to download apps on my new phone? Dilbert: I could... but that would take time away from my primary job of showing you how to do formulas in Excel. Apparently the eight times I already taught you weren't enough. Boss: I don't use Excel often enough to remember from one time to the next. Dilbert: How often do you expect to download apps? Boss: It's hard to say. I just know I want all of them. How many are there? Dilbert: Four.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #envy, #big promotion, #congratulations, #not jealous, #good work, #art of full body lying

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Ted: Hey, Alice! Did you hear about my big promotion? Alice: Congratulations, Ted. I'm not jealous at all. Keep up the good work. Sorry about my face. I haven't mastered the art of full-body lying.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassed of son, #Family, #food service industry, #insult, #locksmith, #mother, #named project manger, #paying for lunch, #restaurants, #sons occupation, #don't tell freinds

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Mom, the good news I wanted to tell you is that my boss named me project manager. Mom: Please keep that to yourself. I tell my friends you're a locksmith. Dilbert: You're paying for your own lunch. Waiter: I'm Ed. I'll be your project manager.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #flew to veags, #difficult game, #few beverages, #drop dead, #adult bevarages, #goaway, #est, #co workers, #pai gow, #weekend

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Dilbert: I heard you flew to Vegas and played pai gow all weekend. Wally: Go away. Dilbert: That's a difficult game to learn after having a few adult beverages. Wally: Drop dead. Dilbert: How'd you do? Wally: Leave me alone!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arrogant, #awesomeness, #deep undertsnding, #meetings, #moral obligation, #no kill switch, #reports, #tecnology, #tone down

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Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being arrogant in meetings. Dilbert: That's because I have a deep understanding of technology and a moral obligation to keep simpletons from ruining the world. Boss: Maybe you could tone it down. Dilbert: There's no kill switch on awesome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #competitor, #software, #entice people, #buy products, #freemium startegy, #engineering

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Dilbert: Our competitor just bought ten million copies of our software. Boss: Huh? Dilbert: They plan to give it away for free to entice people to buy their own product that has more features. We'll be part of their freemium strategy. Boss: That's just showing off.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prosperity, #cash cow, #cow, #making money, #utter

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Dilbert: Hey, you must be the cash cow I keep hearing about. You must be making cash right now! Cash Cow: It doesn't work every time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #better job, #goldilocks zone, #managers, #marinate in own stench, #monster, #skills expire, #technology certifictae, #training, #your training

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Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.