Keep Him Away Comic Strips - Page 12

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View 111 - 120 results for keep him away comic strips. Discover the best "Keep Him Away" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dont know, flashdrive, gadgets, hand, illness, where its been, data

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Coworker: I put the data on a Flash drive for you. Dilbert: Get that thing away from me. I don't know where it's been. Coworker: I hope you mean the Flash drive and not my hand. Dilbert: I did. But you raise a good point about the hand.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags saving & investment, stock market, mba, losing money, money in gold, shiny portfolio, money

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CEO: I have an MBA and yet I keep losing money in the stock market. How can this be? Boss: I put all of my money in gold because it's shiny. My portfolio doubled last year. I'm thinking of getting an MBA. How long does it take? A week?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers & peripherals, internet & world wide web, down load apps, new phone, primary job, formulas in excel

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Boss: Can you show me how to download apps on my new phone? Dilbert: I could... but that would take time away from my primary job of showing you how to do formulas in Excel. Apparently the eight times I already taught you weren't enough. Boss: I don't use Excel often enough to remember from one time to the next. Dilbert: How often do you expect to download apps? Boss: It's hard to say. I just know I want all of them. How many are there? Dilbert: Four.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, envy, big promotion, congratulations, not jealous, good work, art of full body lying

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Ted: Hey, Alice! Did you hear about my big promotion? Alice: Congratulations, Ted. I'm not jealous at all. Keep up the good work. Sorry about my face. I haven't mastered the art of full-body lying.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags embarrassed of son, Family, food service industry, insult, locksmith, mother, named project manger, paying for lunch, restaurants, sons occupation, don't tell freinds

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Mom, the good news I wanted to tell you is that my boss named me project manager. Mom: Please keep that to yourself. I tell my friends you're a locksmith. Dilbert: You're paying for your own lunch. Waiter: I'm Ed. I'll be your project manager.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, flew to veags, difficult game, few beverages, drop dead, adult bevarages, goaway, est, co workers, pai gow, weekend

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Dilbert: I heard you flew to Vegas and played pai gow all weekend. Wally: Go away. Dilbert: That's a difficult game to learn after having a few adult beverages. Wally: Drop dead. Dilbert: How'd you do? Wally: Leave me alone!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags arrogant, awesomeness, deep undertsnding, meetings, moral obligation, no kill switch, reports, tecnology, tone down

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Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being arrogant in meetings. Dilbert: That's because I have a deep understanding of technology and a moral obligation to keep simpletons from ruining the world. Boss: Maybe you could tone it down. Dilbert: There's no kill switch on awesome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, competitor, software, entice people, buy products, freemium startegy, engineering

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Dilbert: Our competitor just bought ten million copies of our software. Boss: Huh? Dilbert: They plan to give it away for free to entice people to buy their own product that has more features. We'll be part of their freemium strategy. Boss: That's just showing off.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags prosperity, cash cow, cow, making money, utter

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Dilbert: Hey, you must be the cash cow I keep hearing about. You must be making cash right now! Cash Cow: It doesn't work every time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags better job, goldilocks zone, managers, marinate in own stench, monster, skills expire, technology certifictae, training, your training

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Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.