Low Priority Comic Strips - Page 12
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Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.
Nasa Scientist 1: You will be with one other... Uh... Astronaut in a private room. You two will have no specific duties on this mission. I'll be monitoring you on video. Nasa Scientist 2: A nerd, a monkey, and one Nintendo at zero gravity... Pretty risky experiment. Nasa Scientist 1: To be honest, we were running low on good ideas.
Ratbert says to Dogbert, "The poll results are in." Ratbert reads a document and continues, "You still have low name recognition outside of the living room . . . But some guy in the kitchen thinks he's heard of you." Ratbert continues, "Don't be discouraged, uh . . . Uh . . ." Dogbert yells, "Dogbert!"
Dilbert asks a salesclerk in a clothing store, "Can you help me?" The woman replies, "No, I'm afraid I can't." The clerk explains, "You see, I get paid the same low hourly wage whether you buy that shirt or not. And after years in this business I've learned to despise the general public." Dilbert waves some money at the woman and says, "Please . . . I have exact change." The clerk replies, "I have no way of knowing if that's true."
Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "There . . . I've organized all of my tasks into 'A,' 'B' and 'C' priorities." Dilbert thinks, "The 'A' priorities aren't even worth doing. And the 'B' priority stuff would probably get me in trouble." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you done with the stapler oil?" Wally holds up a polished stapler and says, "Thank goodness for 'C' priorities."
An employee stands in front of Dogbert's desk and says, ". . . Our pay is too low, and there's no clear leadership. And we want parking spaces." Dogbert presses a level and the man falls through a trap door in the floor. There is a flushing noise. Dogbert thinks, "All things considered, I think I enjoy them more when they're disgruntled."
Dogbert: Good news - your ratio of liquidity is very low. You qualify to invest in my reincarnation fund. Man: If my ratio is low, that means IM ...uh... Made of liquid. Dogbert: Id say you're 98% water, 2% cheap suit, and whats left is your amazing brain.
The Boss: Our Elbonian division was the low bidder for launching French satellites into orbit. Im putting you personally in charge Make sure they use the right technology. Elbonia OOPS elbonian: I hope those things aren't expensive.
The Boss: As the leader of this organization it's my job to set priorities. Carol: Heres your calendar, I booked you through next year with every yahoo who could dial your number. The Boss: Maybe I'll call this a priority.
Alice: We've reached a new low in the 'potluck lunch' sign-up. Twelve people signed up to bring bags of ice and one person is bringing slat. I need one of you at least bring a beverage. Wally: Put me down for one bag of sparkling mineral water.