New Ones Comic Strips - Page 12

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View 111 - 120 results for new ones comic strips. Discover the best "New Ones" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #new, #style, #management, #exhausting, #mbwa, #walking, #around, #walked, #park, #improvement

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "My new style of management is exhausting me." The Boss continues, "I heard some people talking about 'MBWA' or 'Management by Walking Around.'" The Boss continues, "I walked all the way to the park and back. But I can't say that I see much improvement around here."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #promoted ted, #new manager, #new beard, #grow from forehead, #wrong, #punish them, #bad opinions

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The Boss gestures toward Ted and says to Alice and Dilbert, "I promoted Ted to be your new manager. I used to think he looked boyish, but his new beard has changed that." Alice and Dilbert look shocked. Alice asks, "Are either of you the least bit concerned that Ted's beard is growing from his forehead?" As they walk away, Ted says to the Boss, "She made it sound as if it's wrong." The Boss says, "You can punish them for having bad opinions."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #beard, #close my eyes, #crazy beard, #new boss, #pet emplyee, #spin chair

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Ted, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Ted says, "As your new boss I have yet to select my 'pet' employee. I shall do this by closing my eyes and pointing the beard on my forehead." Ted sits facing away from the table with his eyes closed. He says, "To make it fair, I'll close my eyes while one of you spins my chair!" As Alice pushes Ted's chair into the stairwell Dilbert whispers, "Alice . . . Um . . . Technically this isn't 'spinning.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new boss is posessed, #evil force, #one solution, #drive stake, #heart, #be cruel, #borrow pen, #wimpy retractable

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Dilbert and Alice approach Dogbert who is sitting on a desk. Dilbert says, "My new boss is possessed by an evil force. We need your advice, Dogbert." Dogbert responds, "There is only one solution. You must drive a stake through his heart." Dilbert says, "There's no way we could be so cruel!!" Alice holds up a pen and says, "Can I borrow your pen? All I have is this wimpy retractable."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new compensation, #bonuses paid, #top ten percent, #resigned bitter disgust, #get better jobs

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company announced a new compensation plan today. Bonuses will be paid only to the top ten percent of the employees." The Boss continues, "In related news, 89% of the employees resigned in bitter disgust. The top ten percent also left, realizing they could get better jobs elsewhere." The Boss concludes, "This could have an impact on those of you who remain." Wally asks, "We get the bonuses?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #collective sex drive, #internet, #itelligence, #new technology, #smut, #time in hell, #technology

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Dilbert sits at his computer and Dogbert looks over his shoulder. Dilbert says, "I'm inventing a new technology to prevent kids from seeing smut on the Internet." Dogbert says, "So you're pitting your intelligence against the collective sex drive of all the teenagers who own computers?" Dilbert asks, "What is your point?" Dogbert replies, "Did you know that if you put a little hat on a snowball it can last a long time in hell?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #test new invention, #dirty pictures, #internet, #youthful curioisty, #technical brillainace, #eyeballs, #technology

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Alice and Dilbert stand behind a little boy who sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Matt, your job is to test my new invention that blocks kids from seeing dirty pictures on the Internet." As Matt uses the Internet, Dilbert tells Alice, "His youthful curiosity is no match for my technical brilliance." Matt stops typing and stares at the screen. Dilbert says to Alice, "I hope that wasn't the sound of eyeballs getting really big."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #such cubicle enviroment, #regular emplyees, #enjoy, #sharing cubicle, #co ops, #new co op, #lasted a day, #fit in

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The Boss walks down the hall with a new employee. The Boss says, "As a co-op employee, you can't expect the same lush cubicle environment that the regular employees enjoy." The Boss brings the man to a cubicle filled with people lying on top of each other. The Boss says, "You'll be sharing this cubicle with our other co-ops." Dilbert says to Alice, "I heard that the new co-op only lasted one day." Alice quips, "He didn't fit in."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #expect, #new employment agreement, #first born, #dna, #derivative works

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Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "I can't believe they expect us to sign these new employment agreement forms." Wally says, "According to this, anything we even THINK of becomes the Company's property. I'm surprised they don't claim our first born sons!" Wally continues, "What do you suppose it means when they copyright our 'DNA and all derivative works?'" Alice says, "They'd make an exception for you."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new vp comig, #demo, #holographic inetrface, #everything fine, #product demos, #loyal peon

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Dilbert stands in front of a table with a computer monitor on it. Wally is under the table pretending to be a 3-D interface. The Boss says to Dilbert nervously, "Our new VP is coming. Is the demo of our holographic interface ready?" Dilbert says, "Everything should be fine . . . Unless we're suddenly visited by the dark angel of product demos . . ." Phil appears inside the monitor next to Wally and says, "Hello-o-o, Wally. Did somebody say 'demo?'" Wally looks shocked. Dilbert says to the new VP, "I'm Dilbert; loyal peon."