Offer Position Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

127 Results for Offer Position

View 111 - 120 results for offer position comic strips. Discover the best "Offer Position" comics from Dilbert.com.

Food Poisoning On Trip

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Food Poisoning On Trip - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #misery, #suffering, #travel, #health, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How'd your business trip to Elbonia go? Dilbert: Not so good. I got food poisoning and spent two days in a fetal position praying for death. Boss: It must feel good to be back. Dilbert: It's closer to a tie than you'd think.

Wally's Invention Is The Best Seller Ever

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Invention Is The Best Seller Ever - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2017's comic on:


Tags #success, #Promotion, #management, #work, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The product you accidentally invented is our biggest seller in company history. So I'm promoting you to a leadership position. Wally: Phew! I thought you were going to make me work.

Better Listener Robot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Better Listener Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #boyfriend, #free will, #programming, #listening, #Opinion, #relationships, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I'm updating your boyfriend code to make you a better listener. I want to see more nodding and less talking. Robot: But I have so much to offer. Alice: I'll dial back your ego, too.

Pat Yourself On The Head

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pat Yourself On The Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #reward, #prizes, #reimbursement, #expense report

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #trick, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #interview, #hiring, #honesty, #immoral, #ulterior motives

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.

Terrible Personality

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #company culture, #personality, #engineers, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.

Illegal Plan

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Illegal Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #legal, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #suspicious

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Your plan doesn't sound legal.I'm not comfortable with it. Boss: We break the law all the time. It hasn't been a problem yet. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: What's your position on killing all witnesses?

Bad Planning

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Planning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #teamwork, #team, #deadline

View Transcript

Transcript

ted: i need your help on my project today, or i'll miss my deadline. dilbert: are you trying to turn your lack of planning into my problem? ted: i was hoping you would be a team player. dilbert: i'm holding out for an offer from a better team.