One Type Computer Comic Strips - Page 12
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Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "You know, as a rat I'm far more likely to survive a major environmental calamity." Ratbert continues, "And there's no shortage of potential disasters - you've got global warming, ozone depletion, air pollution . . ." Ratbert asks, "Can I try on one of your shirts?" Dilbert looks angry.
Dilbert says to a man who is working furiously at the computer, "Wow! You temporary contract programmers sure are productive!" Dilbert continues, "It must be exciting to know you can be dismissed at any moment. Your very survival depends on results!" The man works faster. Wally says to Dilbert, "Let's go blame marketing for not giving us detailed requirements." Dilbert asks, "What's the big rush?" Behind them, the temp works so fast that smoke rises from the keyboard.
Dogbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I saved the company a fortune by sending the headquarters staff on one-way business trips." Dogbert continues as he types, "They haven't wasted money on any stupid projects all day . . . Now I can leak my strategy to the media and exercise my stock options at the uptick." The caption says, "Somewhere in Iowa." Dilbert stands in front of a farm and a dog growls at him. Dilbert says to a woman who is pointing a rifle at him, "Uh . . . I'm here for a meeting." The woman asks, "Did anybody see you?"
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Ratbert and Dogbert sit on the desk. Dogbert says, "Don't feel bad because you're awkward, Ratbert." Dogbert continues, "There are people leading happy lives who are not only awkward but they're also homely and dull!" Ratbert asks, "Do I have to learn any computer skills?" Dogbert replies, "It seems like a requirement, but it's not." Dilbert says, "Hey!"
Dogbert stands on the desk in front of the computer. Dogbert says, "We're being deluged by e-mail!" Dogbert says, "The male writers heavily favor whacking Ratbert with the magazine." Dilbert stands over Ratbert holding a rolled-up magazine. Dogbert continues, "And we have a number of helpful suggestions involving power tools." Dilbert replies, "Boys will be boys."
Dilbert says to Matt, "This is your computer." Dilbert moves the mouse and says, "When you hear footsteps it's a good idea to move this thing around and click it." Dilbert says as he walks away, "This concludes your technical training. If you have further questions just remember you're inconveniencing me."
Dilbert stands behind a broken desk chair and says into the phone, "My chair is broken. Can you send a new one from the warehouse?" A man at a desk replies, "No can do, my friend. All we have is chairs with deluxe armrests. They're only for managers who are one level higher than you." The man says, "What do I suggest? I dunno . . . Maybe take some classes at night. I'm sure you can get promoted eventually."
Dilbert sneaks into a cubicle and thinks, "If the warehouse won't replace my broken chair, I'll just take one from somebody else." Dilbert reaches for a chair and thinks, "Technically, it's not stealing because the chair belongs to the company either way." Dilbert thinks, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Phil the Ruler of Heck stands behind Dilbert and says into a walkie-talkie, "Hold the elevator . . . Over."
Phil the Ruler of Heck leads Dilbert into the elevator by his tie. Dilbert asks, "What's the penalty for stealing a chair??" Phil replies, "You are sentenced to sit in the break room used by the accounting department." Dilbert sits at a table with two men. One man says, "I like to type the number six." The other looks into his paper bag and says, "Cripes! This is my Tuesday lunch bag."
RatBert: "The less you know, the happier you are." "While you struggle with that computer, I'm naked, clueless and f-e-e-e-ling good!" Dilbert: "You're really annoying me now." Ratbert: "Totally naked! Isn't that a hoot?"