Only Person Comic Strips - Page 12

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1000 Results for Only Person

View 111 - 120 results for only person comic strips. Discover the best "Only Person" comics from Dilbert.com.

Only Two Bad Choices

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 Only Two Bad Choices  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choice, #choosing

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Boss: We have only two choices, and both of them are bad. SO we'll do the only smart thing we can do in this situation. Dilbert: Choose the path that is least bad? Boss: I was going to say pick the path that hurts our enemies the most, but you're ruining it with your talking.

Copersons

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Copersons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #correct, #co-worker, #work, #co-person, #leech

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Dilbert: What is the correct name for a co-worker who doesn't do any actual work? I'm thinking "co-person," or possibly just, "leech." Wally: Are we working right now? Dilbert: Good point, co-person.

Crypto Key

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Crypto Key - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #Wally, #cryptocurrency, #wallet, #disappeared, #private, #key

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CEO: I put five thousand dollars into the cryptocurrency wallet you created for me and it disappeared! You're the only other person who knew my password and private key. Wally: That's not true. I shared them with Dilbert to create reasonable doubt.

Appearing In Photos

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Appearing In Photos - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #co-workers, #technology, #social media, #friends, #Opinion, #abhor, #person, #characteristics, #jerk

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tina: i can't be your friend because i saw a disturbing photo of you on social media. you were in a group photo with a person whose opinions i abhor. dilbert: can you explain why that makes me a bad person? tina: sure. duh. when you appear in photos with other people, you acquire their bad characteristics. dilbert: i don't think that's how it works. tina: that's exactly how it works! one photo with a jerk makes you a jerk! case closed! dilbert taking selfie with Tina in background: smile. tina upset: no-ooo!!!

Data Can Only Mean One Thing

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Data Can Only Mean One Thing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #data, #analyze

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ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.

Work Harder Than Others

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Work Harder Than Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #business, #employees, #managers, #work, #success

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boss: the only way to succeed in this company is by working harder than everyone else. alice: wouldn't that mean only one person in the company can be successful? boss: i might need to rethink my motivational messages. dilbert: maybe save those for your dumber employees.

Ted Talks Make You Smarter

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Ted Talks Make You Smarter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #moron, #new hire, #smart, #ted talk, #binge-watch

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new hire: i used to be a moron, but then i binge-watched seventeen ted talks on youtube. now i'm the smartest person in the room. wally: should we do something about this? dilbert: i don't know. i've only watched six ted talks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dual core processors, #brain, #disconcerting, #email answer

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Asok says, "To answer your question faster, I'll need to use the two halves of my brain like dual core processors." Asok says, "I'm only warning you because it might be disconcerting to watch." Woman says, "How bad could it be?" Asok says, "Wah-ah-geeee!" Woman says, "Maybe you can e-mail me your answer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraternization, #internet & world wide web, #friends with ghoats, #real freinds, #imaginary ones, #idea is ridiculous, #ridiculous idea, #facebook freinds

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Dogbert: You need to create a product that gives people the illusion of being friends with ghosts. Boss: People only want real friends, not imaginary ones. Your idea is ridiculous. Dogbert: How many friends do you have on Facebook? Boss: Seven hundred. Why?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #saving & investment, #intentional billing errors, #honest mistakes, #maintain bonuses, #pipelien, #new errors, #pension algorythm, #money

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Carol: Once again, our only profitable line of business is "intentional billing errors." It started as a series of honest mistakes. Now it's the only way we can maintain our bonuses. Boss: Do we have anything better in the pipeline? Carol: R&D is testing some new errors for our pension algorithm.