Past Cutomers Comic Strips - Page 12

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122 Results for Past Cutomers

View 111 - 120 results for past cutomers comic strips. Discover the best "Past Cutomers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Jargon

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Jargon - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags confusion, employees, irritation, language, meetings, sarcasm

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Man: This was a great meeting. Are there any questions? Dilbert: I didn't understand any of the jargon you used for the past hour, so I have no idea what this meeting was about. Man: Why didn't you say something sooner? Dilbert: That's a good strategy for people who have hope.

Manipulation Via Dopamine

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Manipulation Via Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer, lotalty, science, new, manipulate, addictions, mockery, free will, evil, extreme

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Boss: We've moved past the old notation of customer loyalty. Now we use science to manipulate dopamine and create addictions that make a mockery of free will. Dilbert: That sounds like the epitome of evil. Boss: We call it "extreme marketing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, chair, office, office workers, allergies, hazmat

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alice: i need a new chair. mine is broken. the boss: you can use my old chair. i just got a new one. alice: the chair you sat in every day for the past twelve years? alice: by now that chair cushion is home to a thriving colony of your cooties. alice: that chair will be off--gassing you for decades. alice: i wouldn't touch that thing unless i were wearing a hazmat suit over my other hazmat suit. alice: i'm breaking into a flop sweat just thinking about it, and i think it's triggering my allergies. the boss: would you like to borrow my hand-kerchief? alice is visually in a daze.

Boss Needs Copies

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Boss Needs Copies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, frustrated, irritation, office, office workers

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Boss: I need three copies of this. Carol: You just literally walked past the copier. Boss: Sheesh! Forget it! Just shred the stupid document. Carol: The shredder is right behind you.

Goofy Words

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Goofy Words - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, proposal, understand, clarification, end, misunderstand

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dilbert: and that's my blockchain proposal. any questions? boss: there was a part i didn't understand. dilbert: which part? boss: the words dilbert: all of them? boss: only the goofy ones. such as token, smart contract, certainty as a service, utxo blockchains, node, ledger, and daps. dilbert: so... you didn't understand anything i said for the past hour? boss: don't try to turn this into my fault dilbert: you could have asked me to clarify boss: i also wanted it to end.

Boss Helps

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Boss Helps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, project, deadline, interruption, business, new, task, priority

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boss: why isn't your project done yet? dilbert: because every time i walk past your office you give me three new tasks and tell men they are my highest priority. boss: i was hoping you didn't know why. dilbert: hire someone dumber next time.

Violating Rules

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Violating Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, rules, business, audit, employees, company

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boss: our internal audit found that you violated over four hundred company rules in the past year. dilbert: i'm also the only employee who accomplished anything last year. now connect the dots. boss: so you're saying we need more rules.

Buzzflawed Interview

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Buzzflawed Interview - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managment, business, reporter, cheat, suppliers, question

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carol: a reporter for buzz flawed wants to interview you. boss: i don't see any downside to that! reporter: my first question is, do you still cheat all of your suppliers? boss: no! of course not. reporter: so. you're admitting you cheated your suppliers in the past? boss: get out of my office, you evil monster! reporter: okay, i got what i needed. one week later: voice from boss's smartphone: "the pudgy miscreant could not hide his glee when bragging about cheating his suppliers."

Cooties Contact Tracing

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Cooties Contact Tracing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 2 weeks, contact, cooties, doctor, doctors' offices, infect, physical, tracing, Women, zero

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doctor: we need to do contact tracing to determine who else you might have infected with cooties. how may women have you had physical contact with in the past two weeks? dilbert: i'd rather not say. doctor: i'll put you down for zero.

Wally And Truama

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Wally And Truama  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags accident, business, news, technology, television, trauma, block, defense, video

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Wally putting on jacket: I'm taking the rest of the day off to recover from trauma. i accidentally saw a video clip from tv news. boss: can't you block that? wally: i tried, but they keep finding ways to sneak it past my defenses.