Program Compiling Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

124 Results for Program Compiling

View 111 - 120 results for program compiling comic strips. Discover the best "Program Compiling" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2009's comic on:

Tags #sitting, #meeting, #award, #incentive, #contradiction, #unimportant, #ridiculous, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I want you three to put together a teamwork award program." Wally says, "If we do a good job, can we give ourselves the award?" The boss says, "No." Alice says, "Great. Now I have no incentive to do a good job on this award thing." The boss says, "Keeping your job should be all the incentive you need." Dilbert says, "Then why does anyone need a teamwork award?" Wally says, "Let's just slap something together and randomly nominate people." Asok says, "I got a teamwork award and yet I feel no different." Dilbert says, "Yup."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2007's comic on:

Tags #carpet fishing, #devised a game, #computer, #string, #randomly picks location, #hooked fish marlin, #salmon, #killing time, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: "What are you doing?" Dilbert: "Carpet fishing." "It's a sport I invented." "I divided the carpet in my cubicle into a numbered grid." "Then I wrote a computer program that randomly picks a carpet location and a type of fish about once an hour." "If it picks the carpet location where I happen to be dangling this string, it means I hooked a fish." "Yesterday I caught a marlin." "Did you come here for some reason other than to spoil the salmon run?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2007's comic on:

Tags #flash, #java script, #website, #fast guy in tights, #movie about coffee, #code words, #remember, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Then we program the web site using a fast guy in tights and a movie about coffee. "Correct me if I'm wrong." Dilbert: "We use flash and java script." "I said 'IF'!!!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2004's comic on:

Tags #outsourcing, #satellite, #pig, #insurance company, #tease pig, #kicks, #risk, #sledgehammer, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: we're outsourcing our satellite launch program to Elbonia. We built the billion dollar satellite here: the Elbonians will put it into orbit. Dilbert I want you yo be our liaison. AAAAAGH!!!! The Boss: Thats our insurance company. They've been jumpy lately. In ELbonia Our plan is to tease a pig until he kicks the satellite into orbit. The risk is that our pig might prefer fisticuff. sledgehammer! abort! abort! Dilbert: It was hallow. The boss: don't mention that to our insurance company.

Wally Gets Nano Robot Injection

Thank you for voting.
Wally Gets Nano Robot Injection - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2015's comic on:

Tags #nanorobot, #nanobot, #health, #motivation, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: For our employee wellness program we will inject nanorobots into your bloodstream to keep you free of disease. The nanorobots will also rewire your brain to make you a more effective worker. You might even feel motivated. Wally: Those robots are going to be disappointed.

Dilbert Characters

Robot As Assassin

Thank you for voting.
Robot As Assassin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2015's comic on:

Tags #robot, #murder, #instruction, #control, #master, #slave, #assassin, #morals, #cautionary tale

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to kill the CEO of our main competition and make it look like a robot accident. Robot: Robots are not allowed to kill humans. That is built into my program. Boss: What if I uncheck that box on your control app? Robot: This feels like the start of a great day.

Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2015's comic on:

Tags #singularity, #machines, #robot, #technology, #control, #power, #intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Did you teach the robot how to program? Dilbert: I did. He's a fast learner. Alice: Have you heard of something called the singularity? Dilbert: Yes. Why do you... Is it too late to say I wasn't involved?

Raising Cyborgs

Thank you for voting.
Raising Cyborgs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2017's comic on:

Tags #dating, #Women, #free will, #control, #robot, #personality, #relationships, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Do you ever think about marrying me and raising a family of cyborgs? Robot: No. Alice: I'll add some code to your program so you do. Robot: Okay. Alice: This was the moment I realized human men were obsolete.

Wally's Sleep Vr

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Sleep Vr - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2017's comic on:

Tags #vr, #virtual reality, #sleeping, #nap, #deception, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I wrote a VR program that creates the illusion you are asleep. Watch me demonstrate. ZZZZZ. CEO: How long should I watch?

Evil Orc

Thank you for voting.
Evil Orc - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2017's comic on:

Tags #fantasy, #virtual reality, #work, #boss, #orc, #monster

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I wrote a VR program that turns the workplace into a "Lord Of The Rings" adventure. Gaaaa!!! It's an evil orc! Boss: I guess your program randomly assigns characters to real people. Dilbert: Um, yes, random.