Raise Comic Strips - Page 12
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202 Results for Raise
View 111 - 120 results for raise comic strips. Discover the best "Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday July 30,
2011
Tags exercise & fitness, office workers, using company gym, 60 hrs week, paying for itself
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.
Thursday September 29,
2011
Tags dont know, flashdrive, gadgets, hand, illness, where its been, data
Transcript
Coworker: I put the data on a Flash drive for you. Dilbert: Get that thing away from me. I don't know where it's been. Coworker: I hope you mean the Flash drive and not my hand. Dilbert: I did. But you raise a good point about the hand.
Friday January 13,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, saving & investment, raises, debt crisis, economic uncertainty, board of directors, stock options, money
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.
Sunday May 13,
2012
Tags discussion, ideas, meeting, originality, irrational thinking, optoistic, new prodcuts, faking optomisim, fake buy in, business
Transcript
Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.
Wednesday December 02,
1992
Tags alien, Dilbert, Dogbert, space, television, leaders, world, world domination, parking space, elevator, reckless, prank, translator
Transcript
A television news reporter says into her microphone, "The leaders of the world met today to consider the demands of Dogbert the Space Alien." At the United Nations, a world leader says, "All in favor of letting the alien run the world raise your hand." The caption says, "Meanwhile in the translators' booth, a reckless prank is being played." Three translators with headsets sit at a table. One translator says, "He says, 'Who wants my parking space by the elevator?'"
Monday August 09,
1993
Tags Dilbert, zimbu the monkey
Transcript
Dilbert and Zimbu the Monkey sit across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I've got to cut staff in engineering. I'm trying to determine which one of you is more valuable to keep." The Boss says, "I've been hearing good things about Zimbu the Monkey. Which one of you is Zimbu the Monkey?" Dilbert and Zimbu both raise their hands. Dilbert thinks, "This is not the proudest moment of my professional career."
Monday October 04,
1993
Tags the boss, Dogbert, job, application, Promotion
Transcript
Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk and shouts, "I'm a loud dog! Give me a job! You must obey me because I'm loud!" The Boss says, "Okay okay." Dogbert says, "That was too easy. There must be something wrong with the job. It must be an entry level job . . ." Dogbert stands on the desk and kicks something at the Boss. Dogbert shouts, "I want a raise!! Promote me, you imbecile!!" The Boss thinks, "Bad trend."
Tuesday October 05,
1993
Tags Dogbert, office, man, assertive
Transcript
Dogbert walks down the hall thinking, "Ha! My technique of being loud is working. I got a job and a raise in one day. Now I need an office." Dogbert shouts at a man, "Hey! I want your office now!!" Dogbert stands on the desk watching the man pack his things. Dogbert yells, "Wait . . . I might be able to use the frame for something!!"
Thursday October 14,
1993
Tags Dilbert, alice, Dogbert, the boss, company president, stock, business trip
Transcript
Dogbert sits at his desk reading the newspaper. Dogbert says, "What?? The presidents of other companies make way more money than I do!!" Dogbert continues, "I'd better make some short-sighted cuts. That should raise our stock price and make my stock options worth millions." The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, ". . . All business trips are one-way from now on . . . And you're all required to take a trip this afternoon."
Saturday December 18,
1993
Tags laptop, ratbert, Dilbert, pictures, mom
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk working on a laptop. Ratbert says, "I noticed I wasn't in any of your old photo albums, so I pasted myself into a few key places." Ratbert shows Dilbert the album and says, "Here I am hugging you when you're a baby . . . Basically I put myself over all the pictures of this ugly woman." Dilbert says, "That ugly woman is my mom." Ratbert says, "Hey! I didn't raise you to talk bad about other people!"

