Rebate Program Comic Strips - Page 12

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View 111 - 120 results for rebate program comic strips. Discover the best "Rebate Program" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Carl quit. He's the only one who knows how to program the legacy system. "It can't be that hard. Go figure it out." ? "Frack."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dried up head, #evil director, #free stuff, #hr, #inquiry, #trouble saying no

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Is there a company sponsored program for regrowing my lost soul? CatBert: No, but I'd be happy to bat your dried-up head until it snaps off. Dilbert: I have trouble saying no to free stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cure uselessness, #glass hammer, #bag of nothing, #borrow a pen

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Catbert says, "Wally, I enrolled you in a program to cure uselessness." Catbert says, "Your classmates will be a glass hammer and a bag of nothing." Wally says, "Can I borrow a pen?" A bag says, "Dude, no arms."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #present, #software engineer, #give, #program, #product, #box, #hand, #receive, #look, #Features, #criticize, #depressed, #first copy

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The Boss says, "As lead software engineer, I give you the first unit of our ten thousand copy production run." Dilbert says, "Wow! I wish we'd designed it with the features listed on the box. That would have been awesome." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "I'll put this with the other reminders of how my life could have been excellent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #employee satisfaction, #chart, #point, #fire, #smart people, #stupid, #celebrate, #business

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The Boss says, "Employee satisfaction has doubled since last year!" The Boss says, "The credit goes to our new program of firing smart people." Alice says, "You're safe." Coworker says, "Yeff!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reading, #e-mail, #money, #broke, #budget cuts, #cleaning, #toilet

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To all staff: We had to let our cleaning crew go for budget reasons. In a separate e-mail, I will explain our new 'Adopt a toilet' program. Dilbert says, "I have to be honest, Timmy. I don't see college in your future."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compensation, #pay, #money, #bonus, #denial, #rejection, #confused, #stupidity, #cruel

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The boss says, "I can't give you a bonus because another division had huge losses." Dilbert says, "Remind me again why my bonus is tied to the performance of strangers?" The boss says, "I shouldn't tell you this, but we model our compensation program after practical jokes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #meeting, #award, #incentive, #contradiction, #unimportant, #ridiculous, #business

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The boss says, "I want you three to put together a teamwork award program." Wally says, "If we do a good job, can we give ourselves the award?" The boss says, "No." Alice says, "Great. Now I have no incentive to do a good job on this award thing." The boss says, "Keeping your job should be all the incentive you need." Dilbert says, "Then why does anyone need a teamwork award?" Wally says, "Let's just slap something together and randomly nominate people." Asok says, "I got a teamwork award and yet I feel no different." Dilbert says, "Yup."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carpet fishing, #devised a game, #computer, #string, #randomly picks location, #hooked fish marlin, #salmon, #killing time, #technology

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Alice: "What are you doing?" Dilbert: "Carpet fishing." "It's a sport I invented." "I divided the carpet in my cubicle into a numbered grid." "Then I wrote a computer program that randomly picks a carpet location and a type of fish about once an hour." "If it picks the carpet location where I happen to be dangling this string, it means I hooked a fish." "Yesterday I caught a marlin." "Did you come here for some reason other than to spoil the salmon run?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flash, #java script, #website, #fast guy in tights, #movie about coffee, #code words, #remember, #technology

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The Boss: Then we program the web site using a fast guy in tights and a movie about coffee. "Correct me if I'm wrong." Dilbert: "We use flash and java script." "I said 'IF'!!!"