Replace My Soul Comic Strips - Page 12

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155 Results for Replace My Soul

View 111 - 120 results for replace my soul comic strips. Discover the best "Replace My Soul" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #request, #broken computer, #borrow one, #selfish tools, #coffee stirres

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Dilbert says, "I didn't work on your request this week because my computer is broken and my company is too cheap to replace it." Dilbert says, "I tried to borrow one, but the people I work with are a bunch of selfish tools." A man says, "Maybe I shouldn't take you on sales calls." Dilbert says, "So I built a tiny fort out of coffee stirrers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #headache, #laptop, #meeting, #evil director, #human resources, #laptops banned, #meetings, #should crushing boredom, #futility headache, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Computer: Laptops are banned from all meetings. The only things that should be in your mind during meetings are soul-crushing boredom and a futility headache. The boss: That's more like it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job interview, #master plan, #identity theft, #look-alikes

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Wally says, "If I hire you, you'll get minimum wage to attend meetings and pretend you're me." Wally says, "My plan is to get hired for several jobs and replace myself with low-paid look-alikes in each one." Man says, "My plan is to bury you in a shallow grave and assume your identity." Wally says, "You don't interview well."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales, #economy, #ridiculous, #business

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Dilbert in sales Salesman says, "We had to be more creative because of the soft economy." Salesman says, "now we kill our customers and replace them with body doubles who place big orders." Customer says, "Who's the handsome new sales guy?" Salesman says, "He's you in about ten minutes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stupidity, #ignorant, #cruel, #clueless, #angry, #yelling

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The boss says, "I hired a temp to cover your job while you're on vacation." The boss says, "She's far more qualified than you, and her stated goal is to replace you but don't worry." Carol says, "How am I supposed to not worry about that?" The Boss says, "yoga?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angry, #pointing, #flaws, #yelling, #screaming

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Dilbert says, "You'd actually be attractive if you didn't have crazy eyes." Woman says, "What?" Dilbert says, "The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Your soul appears to be mostly spiders and bad news." Dilbert says, "Any minute now?" Woman says, "You cause the rain!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #meeting, #evil, #ridiculous, #angry, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "Before I counsel you?" Catbert says, "You might want to clench your various sphincters so your soul doesn't escape." Wally says, "Is it okay if I release a scouting party?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #new server, #corrupt operating system, #bad server, #recover data, #reinstall, #redeploy it, #blindingly obvious, #alternative is chaos, #chaos as good, #business

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The Boss says, "Build a new server to replace the one with the corrupt operating system." Dilbert says, "That's what I'm doing right now." The Boss says, "Recover the data from the bad server and put it on the new one." Dilbert says, "That's the whole point." The Boss says, "Then see if you can reinstall the operating system on the old one and redeploy it." Dilbert says, "Do you have any instructions that are not blindingly obvious?" The Boss says, "This is called managing. The alternative is chaos." Dilbert says, "How did you just make chaos sound like a good thing?" The Boss says, "You should test the new server." Dilbert says, "Seriously, can we try the chaos thing?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #really show, #camera, #capture failures, #humiliations, #dull act of insignificance, #fill void, #fathering children, #being famous

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Dogbert says, "I decided to produce a reality show about your life." Dilbert says, "What?" Dogbert says, "The cameras will follow you around and capture all of your failures and humiliations." Dilbert says, "Why would I agree to that?" Dogbert says, "Because you suffer from the dull ache of insignificance." Dogbert says, "You can only fill the horrible void in your soul by fathering children or being famous." Dilbert says, "Maybe I prefer to have children." Dogbert says, "And maybe you prefer to flap your ears and fly to Mars." Dogbert says, "Do you see where I'm going with this?" BOP A cameraman says, "Sorry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #position eleiminated, #performance, #not told, #position, #no explination, #just a trick, #feel less awkward, #hot replacement

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The Boss says, "Ted, your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "What? You never told me there was anything wrong with my performance!" The Boss says, "It's not about your performance. Your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "Well, that seems mighty convenient." Ted says, "This way you can replace me without explaining why I never got a bad performance review." Ted says, "is this just a trick to make you feel less awkward while firing me?" A woman says, "I thought you said he'd be gone by now." The Boss says, "Is there any comfort in knowing your replacement is totally hot?"