Return On Investment Comic Strips - Page 12

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117 Results for Return On Investment

View 111 - 117 results for return on investment comic strips. Discover the best "Return On Investment" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #time machine, #time travel, #experiment, #algorithm, #planning, #mistake, #error, #science

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Boss; Ted, we need a volunteer to test the time machine prototype. Ted: Is it safe? Boss: Of course it is. Would I ask you to risk your life if it were not safe? Ted: Yes. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize you knew that. But don't worry. The engineering consensus is that it will work. Dilbert: You will return to this exact spot in one day. Alice: Does our location algorithm account for planetary movement? Ted: I should have asked more questions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #headphones, #borrow, #ears, #reluctant, #smell forever

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Wally: May I borrow your headphones while you're at lunch? Dilbert: would they touch your ears? WALLY: Yes. Dilbert:I reject your request. I don't want cooties on my headphones. Dilbert: Plus, you never return anything you borrow. Wally: Why would you care if my ears touch something you will neve see again? Lets meet halfway. I'll return the headphones, but they will smell of me forever. Dilbert: Then you might as well just keep them! It doesnt feel like he met me halfway.

Brains In A River

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Brains In A River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #cryogenics, #ethics, #laziness, #yelp, #online review, #comments, #feedback, #customers

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Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.

Aggressive Littering

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Aggressive Littering - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination

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Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.

Totally Painless Brain Removal

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Totally Painless Brain Removal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #cryogenic, #science, #lab, #pain, #experiment

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Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Advice. Dogbert: We'll remove your brain and freeze it until your investments are worth a fortune. Man: Does it hurt? Dogbert: Totally painless. Man: Aaaagh! It hurts! Dogbert: Oh. I thought we were talking about me.

Kicking Brains Into The River

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Kicking Brains Into The River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2018's comic on:


Tags #surveillance, #photo, #evidence, #identity, #guilt, #proof

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Police Officer: You're under arrest for running a scam cryogenic investment firm. We have video footage of you kicking unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: That doesn't look like me. Police Officer: You were chanting your own name.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #bugs, #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #quit, #system

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ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.