Security Guard Comic Strips - Page 12
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133 Results for Security Guard
View 111 - 120 results for security guard comic strips. Discover the best "Security Guard" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday February 09,
2010
Tags #boss, #stuck, #security, #ductwork, #cool device, #dead, #calling for help, #crime, #alive, #tools, #machine, #air vent
Transcript
Boss is stuck in the ductwork. Dilbert says, "The turbo blower kicks in after the lubricant cycle." Dilbert says, "We're sure he's already dead, right?" The Boss says, "Help!" Alice says, "Arguably, the real crime here would be building a machine this cool and not using it." The Boss says, "Can anyone hear me?"
Friday July 31,
2009
Tags #firing, #launching, #spring, #ridiculous, #surprised, #worried, #scared, #evil, #cruel
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "My old policy was to have security immediately escort out anyone I fired." Sproing! Catbert says, "But that left too much time for weeping."
Saturday November 28,
2009
Tags #punishment, #beard, #mislead, #book, #worker, #background check, #innocent, #screaming
Transcript
The Boss says, "Ted, I just got the results of your security clearance background check." The Boss says, "Homeland security ordered me to beat you to death with our emergency preparedness binder." Ted says, "But?.I haven't done anything wrong!" The Boss says, "I might have said some things about your new beard."
Friday November 16,
2007
Tags #mordac, #reventer, #information services, #complete log in, #stare directly at sun, #computer message
Transcript
Mordac, the preventer of information services. Mordac: "Security is more important than usability." "In a perfect world, no one would be able to use anything." Asok: To complete the log-in procedure. Stare directly at the sun.
Tuesday February 11,
2014
Tags #allegiance, #patents, #corporate secuirty, #shadowy figure, #secrets, #offering, #alternatives, #repeat business
Transcript
Boss: If a shadowy figure offers to buy company secrets, what should you do? Dilbert: How much is he offering? Boss: That shouldn't matter. Dilbert: How can I compare alternatives? Wally: Would there be any repeat business in this scenario? Corporate Security
Sunday June 21,
2015
Tags #wifi, #wi-fi, #internet, #coffee shop, #public, #privacy, #security, #technology, #cyber security, #password, #identity, #identity theft, #passwords
Transcript
Dilbert: Yay, you have wi-fi! Now I can drink overpriced coffee while strangers steal my passwords. The timing is sort of a coincidence. Because I was just wondering what would be the fastest way to lose everything I own. And this fixes one of my other big problems too... I always want to share my browser history with strangers, and now I can! By the way, I'm Dilbert. Elbonian: I was Gropnorb, but now I go by Fred. Dilbert: Did a guy named Fred use your wi-fi? Elbonian: Right after he under-tipped.
Tuesday April 19,
2016
For The Good Of The Country
Tags #apple, #iphone, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #encryption
Transcript
Boss: The government wants us to make software to crack our own encryption. Dilbert: That sounds evil. Boss: It's for the good of the country. Dilbert: Can I test it on your phone? Boss: You'd have to kill me first. Dilbert: That would be two good things for the country.
Thursday April 21,
2016
Be Careful With Anti Encryption Software
Tags #national security, #privacy, #technology, #encryption, #security, #human error, #secrets
Transcript
Dilbert: Here's the flash drive with our anti-encryption software. Don't let it get into the wrong hands or it will eliminate all privacy on Earth. Do you understand? Boss: Blah, blah, software.
Friday April 22,
2016
Elbonian Messenger
Tags #secret, #security, #national security, #information, #human error, #spying, #encryption, #technology, #trust, #espionage
Transcript
Elbonian: I am the totally legitimate Elbonian bicycle messenger you called to deliver your encryption-breaking software. Boss: Hmmm... that's exactly what a terrorist would say. Elbonian: No I wouldn't. Boss: Just checking. Here's the flash drive.
Saturday April 23,
2016
Elbonians Steal Encryption Software
Tags #encryption, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #terrorist
Transcript
Elbonian 1: I stole the enemy's encryption-breaking software. Elbonian 2: My phone doesn't have a hole for this. I think it needs an adapter or something. Elbonian 1: Is it time to admit we're in over our heads? Elbonian 2: Why are the heathens so good at this stuff?