Seek Advice Comic Strips - Page 12

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209 Results for Seek Advice

View 111 - 120 results for seek advice comic strips. Discover the best "Seek Advice" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"When you worked here, you signed a non-compete agreement." "It clearly states that you are not allowed to earn money, sleep indoors, procreate or seek medical care." "Section 5B describes what you must now do with this ceremonial dagger."

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"Sometimes I feel as if my life is nothing but moving things from one place to another." "I've decided to seek a deeper connection with others to cure my emptiness." "Blah, blah, blah." "Maybe I'm doing it wrong."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #barbecue, #freinds, #no freinds, #make freinds, #jogger, #desparte, #meat, #social skills, #no social skills, #random, #Advice

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Dilbert: Maybe I should invite some friends over for a barbecue. Dogbert: "You don't have any friends." Dilbert: "Good point. Maybe I should make some friends first." Dogbert: "Exactly." Dogbert:"Do you like meat?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #avoid facts, #cubicle, #paid commissions, #sales engineer, #truth, #sales rep

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The Boss: I'm making you a sales engineer. You'll be paid on commission." "When our sales reps lie, it will be your job to make it look like the truth." "Try to avoid facts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cold learning, #cruelest, #don't wear a coat, #first lesson, #good liar, #sales support engineer, #seeking advice, #how to lie

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Dilbert: I'm a sales support engineer now. Can you teach me to be a good liar? Dogbert: Sure. Meet me on the porch, and don't wear a coat; the cold will help the learning. The first lesson is always the cruelest."

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Wally's keynote speech "The source of all unhappiness is other people." "The sooner you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy." "That's the stupidest advice I've ever heard!" "Hey, it's a talking ottoman! Hee-hee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #finances, #money, #obliviousness

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Financial Advisor Man: You've made a lot of money as a demotivational speaker. I recommend allocating 2% of it to me, and 98% to things that sound good if you don't look into them too closely. How about a managed stock fund with high churn and a big front-end load? Wally: Sounds good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prosperity, #persistence, #key to success, #know when to quit, #contardcitory, #flexibilty

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Boss: Persistence is the key to success. The other key to success is knowing when to quit. Dilbert: Your advice is contradictory nonsense. Boss: Because flexibility is the key to success.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #busy work, #cheerful, #form of insanity, #worthless assignments, #professional help, #psychology

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Asok: I completed the busywork you assigned to me and I'm still cheerful! I don't know how I do it. I really don't. I assume it's a form of insanity. Do you have more worthless assignments I could do before I seek professional help? Boss: Yup.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial planner, #health care, #squalor, #diversified portfolio, #bacon, #secrets, #planning, #dog advice

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Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: With advances in health care, you could live to be 200. If you have a good financial plan, only the last 120 years will be spent in squalor. I recommend a diversified portfolio. And bacon."