Technical Talk Comic Strips - Page 12

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457 Results for Technical Talk

View 111 - 120 results for technical talk comic strips. Discover the best "Technical Talk" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2010's comic on:


Tags #proofread, #technical document, #acronyms, #change, #misread, #bullet points, #idiots, #story, #pet, #wag tail, #dog, #stories, #sit on rock, #outside, #jacket, #animals

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Dilbert says, "A technical writer misinterpreted the acronyms in my draft technical paper." Dilbert says, "But that's okay because my pointy-haired boss will turn it into content-free bullet points and show it to idiots." Dogbert says, "I like stories with lots of idiots in them." Dilbert says, "Glad to help."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2010's comic on:


Tags #tech support, #condenscending, #brain, #intelligence, #sit at computer, #back, #talk, #stairs

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Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert says, "The problem is in the part of your brain that handles intelligence." Dogbert says, "I can reboot you, but I won't lie: It's going to hurt." Dilbert says, "We need to talk." Dogbert says, "Are you near stairs?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #question, #nonsense, #optimize, #value stream, #surprise, #talk, #listening

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Wally says, "Are you leveraging our resources to optimize the client value stream?" Asok says, "What?" Wally says, "I'm just messing with you? Nothing I say in meetings actually means anything." Asok says, "Then why do you talk?" Wally says, "I tried listening once. It was awful."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2009's comic on:


Tags #technical, #skills, #disconnect, #trivial, #knowledge, #outdated, #wasted

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Asok says, "There is a huge disconnect between my enormous technical knowledge and the trivial taks you assign to me." The Boss says, "That's a temporary situation, Asok." Asok says, "Okay, good." The Boss says, "Eventually your technical skills will become outdated."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #answer technical question, #bad actor, #best person, #fake own death, #helping customer, #insult dead, #just a quick question, #polite, #safest course, #work that divison, #commercial sales

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A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #security guard, #shout, #technical advice, #career change, #loud, #yell, #mouth open, #reboot, #Promotion, #hobo, #sponge bath, #lobby fountain, #typo, #nervous

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Henry says, "Try rebooting." Dilbert says, "Who are you?" Henry says, "I'm Henry the security guard. I'm trying to evolve into a new career." Henry says, "I'm ignoring my real job while loudly giving technical advice to coworkers." Henry says, "Eventually, people will start to see me as a valuable technical resource. Promotions will follow." Dilbert says, "Do you know anything about technology besides 'try rebooting'?" The Boss says, "Henry, who let the hobo take a sponge bath in the lobby fountain?" Henry says, "Try rebooting! Try rebooting!" Dilbert says, "To fix a typo?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #small groups, #argue, #alone, #talk to self, #annoyed, #empty chairs, #business

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The Boss says, "We'll break into small groups to discuss options." Dilbert says, "Why? Do you think we'll be smarter when we're in small groups?" The Boss says, "That way everyone gets more time to talk." Dilbert says, "According to your theory, the ideal group size would be one person talking to himself." The Boss says, "No, you also need the knowledge and perspective that extra people bring." Dilbert says, "That would argue for larger groups, not smaller ones." The Boss says, "Fine! Just break into whatever size groups you think make sense." Dilbert says, "I like your style, Dilbert." Dilbert says, "Thank you for noticing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #proposals, #technical, #swivel chair, #front, #intelligence test, #smart, #joke, #monkey, #time, #animals, #business

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The Boss says, "I don't understand either of your technical proposals, and I need to pick one." The Boss says, "Normally I'd use favoritism, but I don't like either one of you." The Boss says, "So I'll give you an intelligence test, and I'll approve the proposal of whoever is the smartest." The Boss says, "If you shoot an arrow at a monkey from an airplane..." The Boss says, "And the monkey throws a coconut at the incoming arrow to stop it, but he misses..." The Boss says, "How can you tell what time it is?" Dilbert says, "There's not enough data." Coworker says, "You look at your watch?" The Boss says, "The correct answer is 'Ask the monkey and hope he doesn't hold a grudge."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #pep talk, #ceo, #angry, #silent, #worry, #front, #motivation, #dumb, #hate, #bosses, #business

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The CEO pep talk CEO says, "I want to know I can count on every one of you!" CEO says, "What's wrong with these people?" Dilbert says, "Well? I fired that guy this morning. His last day is tomorrow." Boss says, "That one retires at the end of the month." The Boss says, "Those three are contractors. I didn't renew their contracts." The Boss says, "The rest of them believe that motivation is how the powerful steal from the dumb." CEO says, "Tell them I hate their guts." The Boss says, "I did that in the pre-meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2007's comic on:


Tags #sales questions, #vice presdient, #talk to boss, #questions, #confusion, #chaos, #time management

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Wally: "Where do you think you're going?" Asok: "I need to ask our VP of sales a question." Wally: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" "You can't speak directly with a vice president." "You need to talk to your boss, who talks to his boss, who talks to someone who is friends with the VP of sales, who then talks to him." Asok: "Wouldn't that virtually guarantee that the wrong question gets asked?" Wally: "It's better to have the right person ask the wrong question than the wrong person ask the right questions." Asok: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "Talk to my secretary."