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Asok says, to Carol, "Carol, I'd like to reserve teh conferance room." Carol says, "Ha ha ha ha! I laugh at your request without even explaining why." Asok is in his cubicle. Asok thinks, "Someday I will be so powerful that secretaries will HAVE to explain why they laugh at me."
Dilbert eats chips at home. Dogbert says, "Do you think that I have too much false humility?" Dilbert says, "Try going a week withou using any false humilty, so I can see the differrnce" Dogbert wears a crown and stands over Dilber who lies under the covers in bed. Dogbert says, "Wake up, you piece of fetid carp, and experiance the joy of knowing Dogbert!!!" Dilbert thinks, "This could be a long week."
Dogbert wears a crown and wand and stands in the doorway of the boss' office. Dilbert, Wally and Alice look through the window. Dogbert says, "I'm here to perform an exorcism." The boss opens his mouth wide and says, "Your mother implements multi-vendor processes without synergy!!" Dogbert points his wand to the boss' coffee cup and says, "Here's the problem someone gave you this oversized coffee mug." The boss says, "Reorg!!!" and his head starts to spin.
Dilbert sits at a conference table between a women and the big stubborn guy. dilbert says, "You've all been chosen for this team because of y our talent and professionalism." Dilbert says, "Except for Dan, who is a big stubborn guy who will prevent our success." Dilbert says, "Shall we commence failing?" Dan says, "I can't do work without a vision statement."
The boss satnds in Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "I'm off to a meeting about your projext. Is there anything I should know?" Dilbert says, "Yes. You should know how dumb it is to have a meeting about my project without inviting me." The boss walks away and thinks, "Every time I learn something it make me unhappy"
Alice is standing in front of the Bosses desk, the Boss says, "I can't give you a raise because you came to work on one of your vacation days." The Boss says, "Employees are not allowed to change vacation days without permission." The Boss says, "On an unrelated note, try to be more empowered."
The Turnaround CEO The devilish looking CEO asks Dilbert, "Tell me, mole, who can I fire without affecting revenue?" Dilbert replies, "In theory, you could outsource everything and run the company with one smart employee." Dilbert continues, "And at the risk of sounding rude, only one of us knew that."
Wally, the boss, and Dilbert are in a meeting. The boss says, "In addition to ISO 9000, we will strive to be QS-9000 compliant." The boss continues, "That means falsifying the following documents: QSR, APQP, FMEA, MSA, SPC, PPAP and QSA." "Remember, you can't spell compliance without "liance"..."
Dilbert approaches a worker sitting at his desk. He is holding a piece of paper and says, "Why did the I.S. department deny my request for a P.C. upgrade?" The worker holds up his arms and shouts, "Because we are evil incarnate! BUWAHAHAHA!!" Dilbert says, "I was looking for something more specific." The worker holds out the paper and says, "You didn't provide a dollar estimate of the benefits." Dilbert says, "That's ridiculous. I can't put a value on every tool I need to do my job." The worker sits back in his chair with his arms folded and says, "If you can't quantify it, then it must not be necessary." Dilbert throws up his hands and says, "Then why does the company give me a chair? I can't quantify that either." Dilbert sits on the floor of his cubicle, without a chair. He thinks, "Here's one more reason why it stinks to be me."
Wally says to Dilbert as he pours himself a cup of coffee in the break room, "I'm thinking about going out on a fake disability claim." Wally and Dilbert are walking with a cup of coffee in hand. Wally goes on to say, "Do you think anyone will believe I'm disabled?" Dilbert replies sarcastically to himself without speaking, "It's hard to believe you're not." Wally enters The Boss' office and asks, "Do you need a note from my doctor?" The Boss replies sarcastically unenthused, "No, it's been obvious for a long time."