You're Hire Comic Strips - Page 12

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176 Results for You're Hire

View 111 - 120 results for you're hire comic strips. Discover the best "You're Hire" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2006's comic on:


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"You're so attractive that I'm blind to your complete lack of qualifications." "If I hire you, will you show up for work?" "Not often, you ignorant lump." "Ha ha! It's cute the way you say it." "Ha ha! I want your office."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Did you hire Ellen just because she's hot?" "Carol, hotness is an important skill. It's like a super power." "From now on, how much are you charging us for printer cartridges?" "Fuh fuh free!" ping

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"We don't pay enough to attract qualified employees." "No problem. I'll hire unqualified people with good attitudes and train them." "Dilbert, when you get a second, train this guy." "Yay!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #job interview, #fat and lazy, #safe working, #thrive on abuse, #complain, #remove tongue, #begging, #desparate

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Albanian: If you hire me, I will do all the jobs that the people born in this country are too fat and lazy to do. I don't require a safe working environment, and I thrive on abuse! The Boss: Do you complain much?" Albanian: I'll remove my own tongue and give it to you in a pickle jar for boss's day.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss, #office workers, #conference room chairs, #cubicles, #steal chairs, #steal

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The boss: Carol I want you to take any conference room chairs that re in cubicles and put them back where they belong. Carol: People are going to steal the chairs back as soon as I leave. The boss: Maybe, but do it anyways. Carol: So... we agree that there's no way to tell if I really did it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2008's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #garbage, #gift, #sarcasm, #re gifted, #free

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Ratbert says, "The best things in life are free, so I got you this." Dilbert says, "This looks like trash from my garbage can." Ratbert says, "You're welcome." Ratbert says, "I only chewed on the delicious parts!" Dilbert says, "Spank you very much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #quantifying, #liar, #thief, #overseeing work

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The Boss says, "Maybe someone can help you quantify the value of your research and development work." Dilbert says, "The only people who can quantify the value of researcg are liars and morons." The Boss says, "Maybe we could hire a consultant." DIlbert says, "That just turns a liar into a thief."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #hire, #consultant, #raise morale, #pointless, #magic, #feel good, #business

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The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to raise your morale by making you glad you're not him." Ratbert says, "No one loves me. My life is pointless. I eat old soap." The Boss says, "Now let the magic begin." Dilbert says, "I feel good about not eating old soap." Ratbert says, "Cha!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #training, #new software, #trick, #hire, #job opening, #interview, #technical expert, #provide

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Dilbert says, "I need training to use our new software." The Boss says, "Pretend we have a job opening for a technical expert in that field. Then ask applicants how they would do whatever it is that you need to do." Man says, "Does you company provide training?" Dilbert says, "'Provide' is a strong word."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #job interview, #master plan, #identity theft, #look-alikes

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Wally says, "If I hire you, you'll get minimum wage to attend meetings and pretend you're me." Wally says, "My plan is to get hired for several jobs and replace myself with low-paid look-alikes in each one." Man says, "My plan is to bury you in a shallow grave and assume your identity." Wally says, "You don't interview well."