Search Results
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
Monday May 23,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, internet & world wide web, coupons, email, firewall, malicious complience, downside, dogs of hell
Transcript
Boss: Mordac, I'm not getting the coupons by email that I signed up for. Can you dial back the firewall or something? Mordac: Absolutely. There's nothing I enjoy more than malicious compliance with your requests. Boss: Is there any downside? Mordac: UNLEASH THE DOGS OF HELL!
Tuesday May 24,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, internet & world wide web, firewall down, viruses, spyware, tuberculosis, zombies, deposed dictator, iphone 3gs, army of mole people
Transcript
Dilbert: Our firewall is down. Some bad stuff is getting through. Boss: How bad? Dilbert: So far we've seen viruses, spyware, tuberculosis, zombies, a deposed dictator, and an iPhone 3GS. Update: an army of mole people from another dimension has tunneled through. Boss: Keep me informed.
Wednesday May 25,
2011
Tags couples, dating, mobile (cell) phones, ex boyfreind, entertainment stabdard, samrtphone, smartphone scale, lying larry, relationships
Transcript
Woman: I used to compare all men to my ex-boyfriend. Now I compare all men to the entertainment standard of my smartphone. Dilbert: I only scored a two on the smartphone scale, but I was a solid five compared to someone named "lying Larry."
Thursday May 26,
2011
Tags blaming, quarreling, work independantly, close eyes, fall back, better than other people
Transcript
Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to work independently. In this exercise, I want you to put your arms at you side, close your eyes, and fall backward. Noise: Thud thud thud. Dogbert: And it's still better than working with other people.
Friday May 27,
2011
Tags mobile (cell) phones, surveillance, security, employee locator device, smarthone, questions, text to yourself
Transcript
Boss: Security says your employee locator device isn't turned on. Dilbert: My what? Boss: I think you call it your smartphone. Dilbert: I might have some questions. Boss: Put them in a text to yourself. I'll read them later.
Saturday May 28,
2011
Tags business panics, worry, hackers, firewall, escape pod, firwall
Transcript
Boss: Hackers got through our firewall. CEO: Launch escape pod! Two questions: What is a firewall? And who designed my escape pod?
Monday May 30,
2011
Tags quarreling, suspicion, work ethic, work independantly, boss, preemptive strike, project update
Transcript
Wally: I can't work for a boss who doesn't trust me to work independently! Boss: Is this a preemptive strike so I won't ask why you didn't turn in a project update? Wally: And more distrust. How do you live with yourself?
Tuesday May 31,
2011
Tags annoyance, office buildings, open workspace, environemnt, crying baby spunds, more distractions
Transcript
Boss: The company is considering moving from cubicles to an open workspace environment. Dilbert: Great idea. Can we add some crying babies and the sound of water dripping? Boss: You're being stupid. Dilbert: Maybe I'll be smarter when I have more distractions.
Wednesday June 01,
2011
Tags gloating, bad winner, office, co workers
Transcript
Coworker: do you remember six months ago when I told you you were wrong? EEE-YORE! EEE-YORE! EEE-YORE! I just realized Im a bad winner.
Thursday June 02,
2011
Tags absurdly complicated, financial model, absenteeism, error, excel sheet, stock holders, poison cafeteria
Transcript
CEO: according to your absurdly complicated finical model, we can double revenue by increasing absenteeism. To be fair, there might be an error or two in the excel spreadsheet. CEO: Maybe , but I think I owe it to our stockholders to poison the cafeteria just to be sure,

