Numb Out Comic Strips - Page 13
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boss: we're moving our manufacturing operations to elbonia to save money. dilbert: are you worried about elbonian government's reputation? boss: nah. i try to stay out of the weeds. dilbert: they're building concentration camps and rounding up dissenters. they intenionally poisoned a hundred thousand people in this country. they are habitual stealers of intellectual property, and they routinely ignore agreements they have signed. and they have a well-known goal of weakening other countries so they can dominate the world. boss: why can you just admit i'm saving money?
dilbert: if i have to listen to you repeat that same point one more time, i'm going to jump out a window. boss: that sounds like a bluff. dilbert: i packed a parachute. boss: ...anyway, to reiterate... parachuter floating beside building.
Tags #managers & supervisors, #secretaries (office), #work ethic, #filling in for boss, #workstation vacation, #being in charge, #pverarted, #martini glass, #drinking, #umbrella in drink, #secretary, #business
Alice says, "I'm filling in for your boss this week, and I need twenty copies." Carol says, "That's not how it works. When he's out of the office I take a workstation vacation." Alice says, "I don't like being in charge." Carol says, "I hear it's overrated."
Dogbert: Are you trying to recover a password, PIN code, user name, pass code or code word? Man: I hate this stupid complicated planet! I am so out of here! Dogbert's password recovery service. And that is how Floyd became the first person to hold his breath and jump into outer space.
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.
Boss: I no longer understand anything my employees say. I must be so out of touch with technology that I don't even recognize the words. Wally: I flushed the gravitons out of the warp drive and rebalanced the subspace responders.
The Boss says, "The government's new unemployment statistics are out." The Boss says, "It's still a bad time to look for a job." Dilbert says, "Yeah. I got that."
CEO MONKEY: The media is asking if you'll take the pledge to give your fortune to charity. CEO: That pledge is for billionaires! I only have $200 million to leave to my heir! On a semi-relayted notem find out who keep putting monkey DNA in my clones test tube.
Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."
Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?