Slow Speed Of Light Comic Strips - Page 13

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164 Results for Slow Speed Of Light

View 121 - 130 results for slow speed of light comic strips. Discover the best "Slow Speed Of Light" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #revenue estimates, #research, #too late, #higher revenue, #stress, #flashlight, #eyes, #science

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The Boss pokes his head in to Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Double the revenue estimates and make sure the research supports it." Dilbert responds, "But.. but... it's too late! The research is done, and it won't support higher revenue!" Dilbert is sitting on a doctor's table, shivering. The doctor flashes a light on Dilbert's face and says, "Your stress is from a combination of drive-by- management and a flashlight in your eyes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #no budget, #no staff, #wits and computer, #wits, #pencil

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Dilbert: "I might have no budget and no staff to help me on my project, but that doesn't matter." "Because all I need are my wits and my computer." The Boss: "My computer is too slow. I'm taking yours." Dilbert: "My wits and... this pencil." The boss: "Hey, isn't that my pencil?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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My boss wants me to integrate a great product with a terrible one just to validate our merger. "Is it ethical for me to stall for a month until he forgets what he asked for?" "Sure. You can even hit him with a rock to speed up the forgetting." "Maybe I'm asking the wrong ethicist."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2006's comic on:


Tags #art, #modern art, #nonsense, #taste, #culture

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Famous artist Dogberto will tell us his plans for our lobby. "I plan to buy a drop cloth at Home Depot and drape it over the security desk." "Won't that be hard on the guard?" "Not until I douse it with gas and light it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2006's comic on:


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Can you bring me up to speed before we go to the meeting? "No. You can't fit two gallons in a thimble no matter how fast you pour." "Wait a minute...Which one of us is the thimble?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Sorry I'm late. I was behind a herd of slow walkers. "I couldn't jog around them at the wide spots because my coffee cup was too full." "It's all part of my can't-do approach to life."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Did you get all of the department heads to sign off on our business plan?" "No, they prefer to see us fail so they look good in comparison and there's more money in the budget for them." "How can we speed up this process?" "I'm failing as fast as I can."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #tablet computer, #dime sized computer, #lick it, #attach to eyeballs, #fail, #fast fail, #finish in month

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CEO: I have a vision that our next product will be a tablet computer the size of a dime. Users will lick it and attach it to their eyeballs. Can you finish that in a month? Dilbert: I can fail at any speed you like.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new vice president of engineering, #office, #lack of experience, #revenge, #office politics, #worry, #sabotage, #best engineer, #4g, #skeptical, #false information

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The New VP The Boss says, "Don't worry that I wanted your job, or that you have no experience in this field." The Boss says, "I won't try to sabotage you. In fact, I'll send you my best engineer to bring you up to speed." Vice President says, "So... it's called 4G because it's G-G-G-Good." Wally says, "Something like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2010's comic on:


Tags #statue of liberty, #destroy, #pr, #responsibility, #clean up, #new york harbor, #light show, #weapon demo, #podium, #speech, #fish food

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CEO says, "The media is on our back because we accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty. We need your P.R. advice." Dogbert says, "Did you take full responsibility and promise to clean up the harbor?" CEO says, "Ooh." Earlier that day CEO says, "Many of you don't know that the Statue of Liberty was very old... and made entirely of fish food."