Abuse People Comic Strips - Page 13
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Dilbert and three people sit at a conference table. The woman next to Dilbert says, "Don't mind me today . . . It's almost time for my 'friend' to visit." Dilbert replies, "That's funny . . . I would think you'd be in a good mood if a friend were going to visit." Back at home, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "She looked puffy, but she struck like a cobra." Dilbert's glasses are bent, his arm is in a sling and his clothes are disheveled.
Dilbert stands over an unconscious man. Another man yells, "Aaagh! You whacked Randy with your remote control airplane!!!" Dilbert says, "Oops!" The man continues to yell, "I'm warning you, frisbee people and airplane people don't mix . . . Like cattle and sheep . . . You'll pay for this!! I swear . . ." Another remote control plane hits the man in the head and knocks him out. Dilbert says, "Good one, Dogbert."
Wally says to Dilbert, "Look out! Big Ed is hulking backwards waving his arms again!" Big Ed bumps into Wally and Dilbert and they spill their coffee on themselves. Wally and Dilbert lie on the floor with their legs in the air. Dilbert says, "Big people can be so annoying." Wally replies, "I just wish he wouldn't refer to us as debris."
Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Bob, sometimes I wonder if there's a place in this world for a sensitive rat like me." Ratbert continues, "I can't live the hollow, meaningless shell of existence that others so ironically call 'life.'" Ratbert concludes, "I want to make a difference to people." Bob says, "Well, you ruined MY day."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "I'm going to open the 'Dogbert Advertising Company.'" Dogbert continues, "Apparently, people will believe just about anything that makes them feel good." Dilbert replies, "Hey, don't underestimate our intelligence." Dogbert says, "I could never underestimate you intelligence." Dilbert says, "Apology accepted."
A man sits at a conference table with two co-workers. He thinks, "I'm feeling confident today with what appears to be a full head of hair." The man thinks, "Nobody suspects that I'm actually combing the hair that grows in my ears over the top of my otherwise bald head." The man thinks, "It's amazing how clueless these people are."
Dogbert points to a picture of a bathroom and tells the Boss, "As your consultant, I recommend the 'Can-O-Matic' to reduce staff levels." Dogbert points to a picture of a person falling out a building window and explains, "Disguised as a restroom stall, the Can-O-Matic randomly fires people by slapping a pink slip on their backs and catapulting them out of the building." The Boss says, "But I won't get to see the expressions on their faces." Dogbert replies, "Well, we could fling them past the security cameras here . . ."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "My consultant advised me to handle the layoffs in a direct, professional way." The Boss holds up a rubber stamp and continues, "So, throughout the day I'll be sneaking up on people and stamping 'Canceled' on their backs." As Wally runs away, Alice says, "Let me see if I understand . . ." The Boss points and says, "Hey! Is that the Goodyear blimp?"
Dilbert sits across from a man's desk. The man says, "Thanks for your time, Dilbert. It's always good to get the technical perspective." Dilbert says, "Hey, it's lunchtime. Would you like to join me in the cafeteria?" The man replies, "Ooh . . . No, I couldn't do that." The man explains, "I'm on the management track, so I can't be seen eating lunch with you." The man continues, "If I'm seen with an ordinary employee then people will think I'm ordinary." The man continues, "I'd like to eat with the senior executives, but of course they don't want to be seen with me." The man slides under his desk and says, "So I've perfected a method of slipping quietly away at lunch time." Dilbert turns to the reader and says, "The scary part is that someday that man will be my boss."
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, look, I got the first video phone in the city!" Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk as Dilbert sets up the video phone. Dilbert says, "Now we wait for somebody else to buy a compatible video phone and call us." Dogbert says, "The amazing thing is that society couldn't advance without people like you." Dilbert says, "I think I saw something."