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View 121 - 130 results for alice complains comic strips. Discover the best "Alice Complains" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoid completing, #do it right, #does anything, #fear of mistakes, #higher quality, #inspire, #morale low, #new philosophy, #paralyzed, #punish anybody, #realize mistakes, #value opinion, #victims

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Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new philosophy is 'We do it right the first time.'" The Boss continues, "This will inspire you to higher quality because you'll realize mistakes are not tolerated." Dilbert says, "Question." Dilbert asks, "Since mistakes are inevitable, wouldn't your philosophy

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team leader, #decide raises approve expenses, #fire people, #leader, #manager

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Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit around a conference table. Dilbert says, "As you know, I've been promoted to team leader." Alice asks, "Will you decide raises? Do you approve expenses? Do you fire people?" Dilbert answers "No" to all three questions. Dilbert says, "I'm a leader. Not a manager."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company dress code, #dress like a woman, #high heels, #panty hose, #little ornaments, #male viwers

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Alice is dressed in a shirt, tie and pants. Alice says to Dilbert and Wally, "I'm protesting the company's dress code. I refuse to dress like a woman." Alice clenches her fist and continues forcefully, "High heels and pantyhose are designed to make women look like helpless little ornaments for the pleasure of male viewers!" Wally says, "I've never had pleasure viewing you. I swear." Alice says, "Thank you for your support."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #actually a woman, #claim, #crying game, #dress code, #dress like a man, #the boss

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Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk dressed in a shirt, tie and pants. She says to the Boss, "I'm dressing like a man to protest the company's dress code." The Boss asks, "So, what you're saying is that you're actually a woman. Is that your claim?" Alice says, "That's not exactly the point." The Boss says, "I saw 'The Crying Game.' Don't do anything that would make me heave."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make less, #janitor, #plunger, #plumber, #rascal, #animal, #alice loves job, #boss, #raise

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Alice shows the Boss a document and says angrily, "When you consider the hours I work, I make less per hour than the janitor!" The janitor enters carrying a plunger with a small animal sticking out of it. He says to the Boss, "Look what was blocking the pipes! It took me all morning to plunge the rascal out." Alice and the Boss look surprised. Still looking shocked, Alice says, "I love my job." The Boss says, "I'm giving him a raise."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #current resume, #new vp, #obvious prelude, #massive staff cut, #worried, #all have resume, #massive disloyalty

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "I'd like each of you to give me a current resume." Waving his hands, the Boss continues, "Now, don't be alarmed. It's just so the new VP can get to know you. It's not an obvious prelude to massive staff cuts." Wally, Dilbert and Alice immediately hand resumes to the Boss who asks, "Should I be worried that you all have a current resume on you?" Wally answers, "Don't worry. It's not an obvious prelude to massive disloyalty!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contribution to revenue, #project would fail, #attributed, #same project, #equally valuable

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another worker sit at a conference table. The Boss holds a document and says, "You should all follow Wally's example of how he quantifies his contribution to revenue." Wally explains, "Basically, I assumed my project would fail without me. Therefore all the revenue it generates can be attributed to me." The other worker asks, "Aren't we all on the same project?" Wally answers, "Yes, but evidently we're not all equally valuable."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #late, #makeup on, #in car, #save in car, #sponge bath, #carpool, #whining, #driver for car pool

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Alice walks in carrying a briefcase and sees Wally and Dilbert drinking coffee. Alice says, "I was so late I had to put on my makeup in the car." Dilbert says, "Yeah, I had to shave in the car." Wally says, "That's nothing. I was so late that I had to give myself a sponge bath in the car." Alice looks shocked and asks, "Aren't you the driver for your carpool?" Wally responds, "You've never heard such whining."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the problem, #under staffed, #six weeks, #behind, #the analysis, #add people, #the result, #daily stats reports, #situation

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The caption reads, "The problem . . ." Dilbert enters looking frazzled and says to the Boss, "We're so under-staffed that the project is six weeks behind schedule." The caption reads, "The analysis . . ." The Boss looks pensive and thinks, "I can't add people . . . I can't change the due date . . . I can't ignore it." The caption reads, "The result . . ." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "He wants daily status reports until the situation improves." All three look overworked and disheveled.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss types, #handy refrence, #hostage taker, #cucbicle, #talks ear off, #vigorous head noodling, #subnet, #ip addresses, #motivational lair, #mushroom, #qualitize, #paradigm, #inundate, #bonus, #80 hour weeks, #moses, #perfect boss, #died thursday afternooon

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The panel is titled, "Boss Types." Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "Find your boss on this handy reference." The caption says, "Hostage taker: Traps you in your cubicle and talks your ears off." A man stands in the doorway saying, "Blah blah." A man at a desk says, "Ow!!" as his ears fall off. The caption says, "Fraud: Uses vigorous head nodding to simulate comprehension." Dilbert says, "Then we'll subnet our IP addresses." The man next to him nods his head and says, "Oh yeah. Oh yeah." The caption says, "Motivational Liar: Has no clue what you do but says you're the best." A man says, "Nobody can do what you do!!" The woman thinks, "Except a mushroom." The caption says, "Over Promoted: Tries to mask incompetence with poor communication." Three people sit at a conference table. A man says, "Let's qualitize our paradigm so we don't over inundate with datums." The caption says, "Weasel: Takes credit for your hard work." A man holding a bag of money tells a woman, "This bonus is for brilliantly forcing your staff to work 80 hour weeks." The woman replies, "It wasn't easy!" The caption says, "Moses: Perpetually waits for clear signals from above." The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Don't do anything important yet." Wally replies, "Never have." The caption says, "Perfect Boss: Dies of natural causes on a Thursday afternoon." Alice looks at a dead body and asks, "Should we do something?" Wally yells, "Three day weekend!"