Data Centers Comic Strips - Page 13
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Dilbert: Can you email the test data to me? Coworker: We don't do it that way. Dilbert: That's not a reason. Coworker: I never give reasons. Dilbert: Nothing you say means anything! Coworker: That's how we've always done it.
Wally: I like to have opinions. But not informed opinions. It takes so much work to get informed that it defeats the whole point of having an opinion in the first place. Dilbert: What exactly do you think is the "point" of having an opinion? Wally: The point is that it feels good. Dilbert: That's totally nuts. Wally: Oh, is it? Unless you have hard data to back up that comment, it was nothing but an uninformed opinion. That felt good. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! You're starting to make sense! Wally: Your whole life is a lie.
Boss: I need you to assemble a huge amount of totally incomprehensible data. Make it boring so no one looks at it too closely. I'm aiming for quantity over quality. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this. Boss: No one would pay you to feel good.
Boss: Do we have any actionable analytics from our big data in the cloud? Dilbert: Yes, the data shows that my productivity plunges whenever you learn new jargon. Boss: Maybe in-memory computing will accelerate your applications. Dilbert: Plunge, plunge, plunge.
Wally: I migrated our northern data center to the cloud. But the cloud stopped working and I can't find the phone number for our clout guy. So... whatever. Boss: You lost our data center? Wally: That's one way to look at it.
Boss: I don't need to see your resume. That's the old way of hiring. Now we use data from the Internet to see what you've been up to lately. Ew. Applicant: I'll show myself out. Boss: You'll understand if I don't shake your hand.
Dilbert: We lost all of our company data and our backups, too. So I hacked into our government's secret database where they keep records of everything we say or do and got it all back. Boss: I feel as if I should be doing something now. Dilbert: Nah. Everything is working fine.
Wally: The government arrested Dilbert for stealing back the data their spy software stole from us. Alice: Whose side are we on? Wally: Well, I'm not crazy about the government. Alice: But Dilbert can be a pain in the Spanx, too. Wally: Have you ever tried apathy? It's awesome.
NSA Agent: Maybe a few days in solitary will make you tell us how you stole the government's data. Dilbert: Is this the cell with the hidden tunnel? NSA Agent: The what? Dilbert: I'll be at the Elbonian embassy.
NSA Agent: Your son is a traitor who stole top-secret data from his own government. We'd like you to talk him into leaving the Elbonian embassy so we can execute him for treason.