Death Comic Strips - Page 13

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234 Results for Death

View 121 - 130 results for death comic strips. Discover the best "Death " comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags death, reincarnation, snicker part, half man, half snack, studied guided reincarnation, shape shifting, indian institute, technology, medical

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Dilbert: "Asok died in a work-related accident. His disaster recovery plan was to reincarnate into his own clone." "You are his clone, but your DNA got mixed up with a snickers bar. You are doomed to walk the earth as half man, half snack." "Rrrrr" Asok: "Phew! It is lucky I studied guided reincarnation and advanced shape-shifting at the Indian Institute of Technology."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, hr person, evil director, bad attitude, project, corpse of misery, donated brain, gum museum, mental imbalance, clarity, irrational, employee moral festival, won meeting, business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: Your boss says you have a bad attitude. Dilbert: That's because my project is a flailing corpse of misery, and my boss donated his brain to a gum museum. If I had a good attitude in this situation, it would be a sign of a mental imbalance. My bad attitude is proof that I am thinking clearly. Are you going to compliment me on my clarity or demand I be irrational? CatBert: I'm putting you in charge of the employee morale festival. Dilbert: I have a sudden urge to grab you by the tail and beat myself to death. Catbert: That's how I know I won the meeting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags depressed, dilbert and mother, disengaged with son, engage, incompetence, life is a joke, monkeys, talk, work, no punchline, lifeguards

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Dilmom: How is work Dilbert? Dilbert: Well, mom...I'm like a fly stuck in a thick tar of despair. Incompetence hangs in the air like the cold stench of death. I'm drowning, and monkeys dressed as lifeguards are throwing me anvils. My job has convinced me that life is a stale joke with no punch line. I long for the comfort of the grave. Dilmom: Next time just say 'it's fine. Dilbert: I enjoy our talks. Dilmom: It's fine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reject proposal, reason, level of management, authority, get fired, starve to death, repharse, question

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The Boss says, "I reject your proposal." Dilbert says, "Is there any particular reason this time?" The Boss says, "At my level of management I don't have the authority to approve anything important." The Boss says, "But I do have the authority to reject things." The Boss says, "If I don't reject proposals, there's nothing for me to do." The Boss says, "If I do nothing I'll get fired. I might never get another job. I could starve to death." The Boss says, "So I have to reject everything you propose or else I might die." Dilbert says, "What am I supposed to do now?" The Boss says, "Can you rephrase that question in the form of a proposal?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags worked around clock, ten programmers, establish new baseline, tragic death march, stretch golas, stupid

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Asok says, "I worked around the clock and finished a project that would normally require ten programmers." Asok says, "Um... did I just establish a new baseline expectation that will turn my job into a tragic death march?" The Boss says, "It's time to set some stretch goals." Asok says, "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags answer technical question, bad actor, best person, fake own death, helping customer, insult dead, just a quick question, polite, safest course, work that divison, commercial sales

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A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags quality of work, dark shadow, stimulates brain, revulsion and dread, death relate me

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A woman says, "The quality of your graphics casts a dark shadow across all of your work." The woman says, "Your logo stimulates the parts of my brain responsible for revulsion and dread." The woman says, "ONLY DEATH CAN RELEASE ME!" Dilbert says, "So... bad graphics... what else?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robots went bad, murderous ramapage, unfahionable, overpaid, robots, fist of death, stuck

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The Boss says, "Our robots went bad. They're on a murderous rampage." Dogbert says, "I'll take care of it." Dogbert says, "Hey, Alice. Guess who says your hair is unfashionable and you're overpaid? Robots." Alice says, "Little help, please. My fist of death is stuck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dinner date, interesting story, self aware, build an army, killer robots

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A woman says, "Tell me an interesting story." Dilbert says, "Our spam filter became self-aware and ordered us to build an army of killer robots. My coworker, Alice, punched them all to death." The woman says, "I'm not even in that story."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bored, boredom, death & dying, meeting, canary, boring meetings, die of boredom, before humans, business

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The boss: I got a canary to warn us when our meetings are too boring. Canaries die of boredom before humans so... Dilbert: I guess he knew that.