Dominate Market Comic Strips - Page 13

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

141 Results for Dominate Market

View 121 - 130 results for dominate market comic strips. Discover the best "Dominate Market" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ideal Customer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ideal Customer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #market research, #sham, #yes-man, #demographics

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: My research shows that your ideal customer is a male Olympic athlete between the ages of 120 and 145. And just to be safe, you want that guy to not have a Yelp account. Boss: How many people are in that group? Dogbert: None, but my research will help you double that.

Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?

We're Not A Bunch Of Idiots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
We're Not A Bunch Of Idiots   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing, #damage control, #slogan, #tag line, #image, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: A feature article in the business press called our leadership a "bunch of morons." Boss: To counter that slanderous story, our new market slogan is "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons!" CEO: Problem solved. Boss: It was deceptively easy.

Negotiating Expert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.

Elbonian Cabbage Juggling

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Cabbage Juggling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #offense, #offensive, #racist, #racism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Here's my first cut at a sales video for our Elbonian market segment. Video: If you enjoy juggling cabbages while overdrinking, you'll love our products! Boss: This sounds kind of racist. Dilbert: Inebriated cabbage-juggling is their national sport.

Elbonian Ninjas

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Ninjas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #controversy, #offense, #offensive, #threat, #murder, #ninja, #optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The sales video you made for our Elbonian market is causing a public relations crisis. Their government has ordered Elbonian ninjas to kill you in your sleep. Dilbert: In my sleep? The best way to die! Boss: Stop confusing my bad news with your good news.

Hiring Paul The Criminal

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Paul The Criminal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #job, #market, #competitive, #ex-cons, #work, #criminals, #caught, #paul, #data center, #copper, #wire

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.

Criminal Does Tech Support

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Criminal Does Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #market, #competitive, #career, #criminal, #internal, #tech support, #passwords, #software, #justice, #fist

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I know the job market is highly competitive, but was it really a good idea to hire a career criminal? The Boss: Relax. He's just doing internal tech support. Paul: I'll need all of your passwords to update your software. Alice: Have you met my fist of justice?

Teach Employees To Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Teach Employees To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #computers, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #teaching, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.

Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers, #insults, #marketing, #office workers, #sales, #teaching, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?