Heard Evidence Comic Strips - Page 13

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209 Results for Heard Evidence

View 121 - 130 results for heard evidence comic strips. Discover the best "Heard Evidence" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2008's comic on:


Tags #particle accelerator, #paul dirac, #antiworld

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Dogbert says, "Whatcha got going there?" Dilbert says, "It's a particle accelerator?" Dilbert says, "I'm looking for evidence of the antiworld that physicist Paul Dirac predicted in 1930." Another Dilbert says, "Hello, handsome!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #answer technical question, #bad actor, #best person, #fake own death, #helping customer, #insult dead, #just a quick question, #polite, #safest course, #work that divison, #commercial sales

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A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #ridiculous, #explanation, #business

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Dilbert says, "Sorry I'm late. My company cut the travel budget so I had to hitch a ride with a serial killer." Dilbert says, "He took me to an abandoned slaughterhouse. I knocked him out with a hambone, stole his truck and drove directly here." Man says, "All I heard was 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm late.'" Dilbert says, "Don't make me get my hambone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #appointment, #argument, #ridiculous, #security, #struggling, #angry

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Man says, "Hi, I'm Tom Jackson. I have a meeting with your boss." Carol says, "He has no one by that name on his calendar." Carol says, "The only people he's meeting today are Fob Meterfon, Gom Axfon, and Dabe Aggams." Man says, "Maybe when your boss said he was meeting with 'Tom Jackson' you heard it as 'Gom Axfon.'" Carol says, "Is that how you want to play this? Really?" Carol says, "Security, come arrest this man!!" Man says, "I'm Gom Axfon! I'm Gom Axfon!" The Boss says, "Where's Tom Jackson?" Carol says, "Don't you start with me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #complaining, #excuse, #meeting, #annoyed, #angry, #frustration, #business

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Ted the Drama queen Ted says, "I can't attend the meeting Tuesday because Barry thinks I didn't return his flash drive." Ted says, "I'm afraid of him because he's a liar and a drunk, and I heard he killed a cab driver." Ted says, "I'd wear a disguise, but prosthetic adhesives give me hives." Alice thinks, "Must...control...jack...hammer." buddabuddabudda

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags #engineering, #insulting, #impractical, #mediocre, #upfront

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Man says, "We haven't heard from engineering yet. What do you think, Alice?" Alice says, "I think several mediocre minds concocted an impractical plan." Man says, "Can you be more specific?" Alice says, :Sure. You're one of them. And this guy is another."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2010's comic on:


Tags #lazy, #not working, #admitting, #patience

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Wally says, "I think my single point of contact died." Wally says, "I haven?t heard from him for three months. I don't know the name of his projec or any other people on it." The Boss says, "What have you been doing for three months?" Wally says, "Are you implying that patience is not a virtue?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2010's comic on:


Tags #wdnw system, #wally does no work, #meeting, #acronym, #lazy, #get coffee, #business

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Wally says, "I need to spend the next year optimizing the WDNW system" Boss says, "I've never heard of the WDNW system." Wally says, "You only hear about the systems that have problems." Wally says, "If everything goes as planned, you'll never hear about WDNW again." Boss says, "What does the WDNW system do?" Wally says, "It keeps our zeros and ones from accidentally forming tens." Boss says, "That can happen?" Wally says, "Not on my watch." Dilbert says, "How's the 'Wally Does No Work' project?" Wally says, "The acronym helped."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #business case, #hold folder, #funding, #deny, #landfill wet hunting, #frustrating, #yell, #shake, #upset

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Dilbert says, "I finished the business case." Dilbert says, "You said you would try to get funding if the numbers look good." The Boss says, "I never said that." Dilbert says, "I clearly remember it. I can describe our conversation word for word." The Boss says, "I probably said something that sounded like 'I will get funding' and you heard it wrong." Dilbert says, "What exactly sounds like 'I will get funding'?" The Boss says, "Landfill wet hunting." Dilbert says, "That's not even a good try!!!" The Boss says, "Shake it off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #consult, #critic, #argument, #waste of time, #rip off, #expensive, #angry

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "A good leader cultivates internal critics so all sides of an argument are heard." Dogbert says, "For example, I cultivated Dilbert to argue the point I just made." Dilbert says, "Your premise is that a leader is not qualified to make decisions without the help of critics." Dilbert says, "But selecting the appropriate critic is itself a decision." Dilbert says, "There is no reason to assume a leader is any better at selecting a critic than he is at making any other decision." Dilbert says, "Your overpaid consultant is recommending that you add randomness to an already flawed process." Dilbert says, "In summary, this meeting is a waste of time, and your consultant is ripping you off." Dogbert says, "How great was that? You owe me $400 for my time."