Low Standard Comic Strips - Page 13

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

208 Results for Low Standard

View 121 - 130 results for low standard comic strips. Discover the best "Low Standard" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date, #perfect, #low entertainment value, #use our phones, #surf the internet, #call it a date, #perfect woman

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #idea, #low staus, #not enjoy it, #power, #speaking truth to power, #speaks back

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I have a great idea. Would you like to hear it? The boss: Well, considering your low status in the company and how busy I am I would not enjoy it one bit. Asok: I like speaking truth to power, but I don't like when it speaks back.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #selfishness, #rudeness, #sales, #internet, #confusion, #sabotage, #business, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

The lucky sales guy man says, "My sales quotas were set too low. I plan to buy a yacht with my commissions." man says, "Would you mind programming the navigation system so I can get drunk while my boat takes me places?" Asok says, "Why are you researching where all the pirates attack?" Dilbert says, "It's better if you don't know."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #planning, #Advice, #money, #rant, #ignoring, #thinking

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "How much will it cost to develop our next generation product?" Dilbert says, "It will cost whatever you put in the budget." The boss says, "How much should I put in the budget?" Dilbert says, "Ask for the biggest number you think will get approved." Dilbert says, "If we get a lot of money we can build something great." Dilbert says, "If we don't get much money we can build something lame, and compensate for the lack of quality by lying more vigorously than usual." The boss says, "I'll aim low so I don't get yelled at during the executive budget meeting." Dilbert thinks, "I remember the time when this sort of thing would haunt me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #elbonia, #angry, #threatening, #kung fu, #frustration, #stuck, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Industry Standards Meeting in Elbonia Dilbert says, "Let's adopt my company's specs as the industry standard." Man says, "Your specifications are weak, and so is your kung fu." From that day on, all standards meetings were held in the mud of Elbonia. Man says, "Can't...Kick! Stupid...mud!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #meeting, #laughing, #confused, #angry, #ridicule, #criticism, #embarrassed, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Moving forward, we'll go after the low-hanging fruit at the end of the day." Dilbert says, "Ha ha!" Dilbert says, "I like the way you used humor to mock the vacuous way managers speak." Wally says, "Snork" Man says, "Which part was humor?" Dilbert says, "I'll just be quiet now."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #broke, #poor, #economy, #recession, #comparison, #exaggeration

View Transcript

Transcript

Negotiating in a bad economy The Boss says, "My company is so poor that we need a 20% price reduction or we'll go belly-up." Man says, "My company is so poor that our only chance of eating involves throwing office supplies at low-flying birds." The boss says, "Shall we say 10%?" Man says, "Our health plan is 'Screaming.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career, #mean, #plans, #murder, #nervous, #misunderstanding, #hatred

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Carol, I'd like to talk to you about your career goals." Carol says, "My career goal is to take over the department by tricking you into a fatal accident, then telling everyone you're just working from home." The boss says, "That's not right." Carol says, "So you're saying I should set my goals low?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #beta test, #meeting, #face front, #impractical maintenance requirement, #lube, #bear's ear, #warrant, #product, #legal, #shake fist, #justice, #sick, #hand to mouth, #shake, #throw up, #business, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "The beta test went well. Thank you, Dilbert." The Boss says, "Now I'll have Tina add an impractical maintenance requirement to the manual and we're ready to go." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "It's standard procedure." The Boss says, "Say the user needs to lube the product ten time a day with the wax from a bear's ear." The Boss says, "And say the warranty is voided if the device isn't properly maintained." Dilbert says, "Is that legal?" The Boss says, "It's better than legal." The Boss says, "We're using the law to keep justice away!!" Dilbert says, "I feel sick." The Boss says, "That's how you know it's working."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high priorities, #standing, #coffee, #vendor comparison, #face front, #work ethic, #lazy, #suspicious, #annoyed

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Wally, did you finish the vendor comparison?" Wally says, "I'm proud to say I did not." Wally says, "You told me to focus on my highest priorities, and that wasn't one of them." The Boss says, "So? when can I expect it?" Wally says, "Logically, that would be never." Wally says, "If that task ever became the most important thing I was doing, you'd eliminate my position." The Boss says, "True. But at least you're getting the high priority stuff done, right?" Wally says, "So far, it's taking all of my energy to avoid doing the low priorities."