Never Produced Anything Comic Strips - Page 13

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View 121 - 130 results for never produced anything comic strips. Discover the best "Never Produced Anything" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #programmers, #unix

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Dilbert sits at his desk working on the computer. The Boss says, "My boss says we need some eunuch programmers." Dilbert replies, "I think he means Unix not eunuchs. And I already know Unix." The Boss says, "If the company nurse drops by, tell her I said 'never mind.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #instructor, #seminar, #managers, #fire

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The instructor says to Dilbert, "I don't think you're ready." The man continues, "Fire-walking requires complete confidence. Anything less could be dangerous." Dilbert says, "I'm just chilly." Dilbert's pants are rolled up and he has socks on his feet. The instructor says, "Fine . . . Do it with your socks on."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 1993's comic on:


Tags #outdoors, #Dogbert, #man

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Dogbert walks down the sidewalk humming. A man says, "Hey, Dogbert! Long time no see!" Dogbert covers his ears and says, "Ow!!" Dogbert says, "I've never been good at suffering fools."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #basketball, #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #michael jordan, #virtual reality

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Dilbert and Dogbert stand under a basketball hoop. Dilbert says, "You might as well admit I'm a better basketball player, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "Never!" Dogbert jumps into the air holding the ball. Dogbert flies over Dilbert's head. Dilbert shouts, "No fair! You're hovering!" Dogbert replies, "It's just the illusion of 'hang time.' I learned it from Michael Jordan." Dogbert floats toward the rim and says, "It's a combination of great leaping skill plus the way I move my legs." Dogbert dunks the ball. Dilbert points to Dogbert, who hovers in midair. Dilbert says, "There! Right there! That's definitely hovering!!!" Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch wearing goggles and gloves. Dilbert says, "I think you tampered with the virtual reality program!" Dogbert says, "Play the game."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #clothespringles, #luggage, #invention

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A woman points at Dilbert's wrinkled clothes and asks him, "What happened to your clothes?" Dilbert answers, "I had them rolled up and stuffed in a 'Pringles' potato chip can for a week." Dilbert explains, "It's a prototype for my tubular luggage invention." The woman says, "Never speak to me again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #organization chart, #management, #bottom, #most important employees, #payed least, #upside down chart

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The Boss: We've redesigned the organization chart to show management at the BOTTOM supporting our most important employees! Dilbert: Question: why do the most important employees get payed the least? The Boss; Because they would never think of ideas like this upside- down chart concept.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #personal life, #engineering project, #mission, #find girlfreind, #feasible alternatives, #calculate attractiveness, #buying power, #attractive baboon, #face transplant

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Dilbert: "Maybe I should approach my personal life as if it were an engineering project." Dogbert: "What is the mission of this project?" Dilbert: "Find a girlfriend!" Dogbert: "Good. Now consider the feasible alternatives." Dilbert: "Define 'feasible'." Dogbert: "Never mind, let's move on." Dogbert: "Now let's calculate your attractiveness ratio so we can narrow the field of girlfriend options." Dogbert: "Let's see...your buying power narrows the choices to a woman who just got a face transplant from a baboon." Dilbert: "Maybe it was an attractive baboon. I should call her." Dogbert: "Somewhere between desire and engineering lies stupidity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dog collar, #keep track, #employee slaves, #final humiliation, #cubicles, #gerbils, #rationalization, #mechanisms, #collar, #6 foot extension cord, #dog, #adapting, #animals

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The Boss: "Here's your employee locator device." "Sensors in the building will be able to track you at all times." "We'll know how many times you use the restroom and how long." "It's a dog collar...the final humiliation." "Once you got used to working in cubicles like gerbils, we knew anything was possible." "My conformance rationalization mechanisms are kicking in." "It's not so bad. A collar is simply an efficient design. Everyone is doing it." "It's not so bad." "It's powered by this six foot long extension cord."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #evolution favors monkeys, #cages, #as pets, #humans treated

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Zimbu: evolution favors monkeys, Eventually humans will be kept in cages as pets. Dilbert: Impossible! we humans will never allow ourselves to be treated like that! Now get out of the cubicle,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bun, #eat a bug, #evalution, #motivation, #performance evaluation

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The Boss: Your performance this year was 'fair'. But I'll raise your appraisal to "excellent" if you'll eat a bug. Wally: Say what? The Boss: eat a bug. The Boss: I didn't have much luck with the other management techniques so Im kinda winging it now. Wally:Do i get to pick the bug? The boss: Its way more motivational if I pick the bug. Dilbert: How did your evaluation go? Wally: MXLT Next! Dilbert: Do I get a bun? The boss: You guys are never happy.