Next Year Comic Strips - Page 13
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View 121 - 130 results for next year comic strips. Discover the best "Next Year" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dogbert says to the seminar participants, "As a zombie, you must speak in empty generalities." Dogbert continues, "Your business plan might say 'We strive to utilize a variety of techniques to accomplish a broad spectrum of results toward the bottom line.'" A man says, "Hey! My skin is getting clammy and I have the urge to call a meeting!" The man sitting next to him says, "Me too!" Dogbert says, "Good . . . Good . . ."
Dilbert stands next to an overhead projector. Dilbert puts a transparency on the projector and says, "Please excuse the artwork in this next diagram." Various people in the background say, "What's that? It looks like Elvis's face on a credenza! Ha ha ha! Or is it a Rorschach test??! Ha ha ha!" Dilbert says, "And in conclusion, I hate you all."
Dilbert and Zimbu compete for one job. The Boss: This next event tests your humor and creativity. The objective is to see how much fun you can have in the barrel. Who wants to go first? Dilbert: This is no fair. Zimbu is a monkey. He has an advantage.
Dilbert packs his suitcase. Ratbert says, "I'll go with you on your trip to Elbonia. I can be your bodyguard." Dilbert replies, "It's not a good place for a rat. The mud is quite . . ." Ratbert yells, "You think I'm not tough enough? I'll show you!!" In Elbonia, an Elbonian points at a bump in the mud next to Dilbert and asks, "And THAT'S your bodyguard?" Ratbert says from under the mud, "I don't like the tone of your voice."
Dogbert stands on the Boss's desk next to a large binder. Dogbert says, "Here's my consulting report on your company." Dogbert says, "I had no insights so I bulked it up by adding witty analogies." The Boss reads, "His head was like a hollow putty ball attacked by two pointy dust bunnies." Dogbert asks, "Vivid, isn't it?"
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss, Alice and Wally. Dilbert says, "I boosted the power on the pointer pen light so it's easier to see on the wall." Dilbert says, "Look how strong it is now." Dilbert turns the pen on. The beam from the pen burns the hair off the tops of the Boss's and Alice's heads. The Boss says, "Let me see that. I've got a few things to point out." Alice says, "Next."
Dilbert arrives at home with burned clothes and clouds of smoke rising from his head. Dilbert asks, "Dogbert, do you know how my light pointer pen could have gotten set to maximum power?" Dogbert replies, "You never seem to grasp the humor in these situations. It's not as if you caused any permanent damage in the office." Dilbert says, "Actually, I wasted a temp named Carl in the next office." Dogbert says, "A temp - my point exactly."
A man says to Dilbert and Wally, "Next week I'll be at my new job, reaping huge rewards." Wally replies, "We're so happy for you." The man says, "But I'll still have a little cubicle like yours." The man continues, "The only difference being that I'll keep a pony there. That way it's close to my office."
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "So, what have you accomplished this year?" Dilbert thinks, "I hate performance reviews." Dilbert replies, "Well, I used my empowerment to create a new paradigm." Dilbert continues, "And I teamed across functional boundaries to improve quality." Dilbert continues, "I dare say I was customer-focused and market-driven!" Dilbert holds his arms out and says, "I proactively found excellence in the midst of chaos!" Dilbert continues, "I re-engineered my core processes and embraced change!" Dilbert stands up and bows. He says, "I give you - Dilbert - the perfect employee!" The Boss asks, "Was that sarcasm?" Dilbert replies, "To be honest, I don't know either."
Dilbert says to the Boss, "My chair is broken and the warehouse is out of 'engineer chairs.'" Dilbert continues, "And since I'm . . . You know . . . Empowered, I thought I might order a 'manager chair' for the time being." Dilbert asks, "I've over-stepped my authority, haven't I?" The Boss replies, "Next you'll want a screen door on your cubicle."