Slap Yourself Comic Strips - Page 13

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

226 Results for Slap Yourself

View 121 - 130 results for slap yourself comic strips. Discover the best "Slap Yourself" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategic asset, #market share, #fire yourself, #accountabilty

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manage spreadsheet, #track things, #problems, #cute optimism, #pretty fuzzy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I've decided to manage by spreadsheet. "I'll track things until all of our problems fix themselves." CatBert: "Your optimism is cute." The Boss: "Thanks. You're pretty fuzzy yourself."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manage, #spreadsheets, #emails, #luck, #unimportant subordinates, #bad mood, #insulting, #low morale

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "Cancel all of my meetings. I'm going to manage by making spreadsheets and sending e-mails." "With any luck, I'll never again need to speak with unimportant subordinates such as yourself." "C23 is in a bad mood today." "@#$%^!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #changes, #pension plan, #company wide, #email, #read email, #compulsion, #details, #engineers, #brain, #best meeting, #humiliate boss, #called out

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I called this meeting to discuss the changes to the pension plan." Alice: "We already saw the company-wide e-mail about the changes." Dilbert: "And we're all engineers, so we understand the details better than you do." Alice: "I'll bet you intend to waste our time by reading the e-mail to us." ask: "You can't stop yourself. it's some sort of compulsion." Alice: "If you read that e-mail, it's proof that something is wrong with your brain." The Boss: "Can't...resist...reading...e-mail." "GAAA!!!" Alice & Dilbert: "Best meeting ever."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dead horse, #meeting room, #cahir, #beating, #good work, #havnet beaten long enough, #introduce

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I hired a dead horse, he doesn't look like much, but if you beat him long enough, he does good work." Dilbert: "Have you seen him do good work?" The Boss: "I haven't beaten him long enough." "Introduce yourself to the others!" Whap!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personality predictor, #judge career, #dead end job, #matches, #lack of potential, #sample question, #angry loner, #embezzler, #lazy, #label yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We'll be using the Dogbert personality predictor index to judge your career potential. Then we'll leave you in the dead end job that most closely matches your lack of potential. Here's a sample question... How would other people describe you? A)Angry loner B) embezzler C) lazy Dilbert: That's not enough choices! Dogbert: Says the angry loner. The Boss: You have thirty minutes to give yourself a label that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Wally: Would you say I'm more of an unidentified hominid or an inappropriate toucher?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sensitive material, #interoffice, #topsecret, #moron, #security department, #slap hard, #run fast

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Your most sensitive materials should always be sent in an interoffice envelope marked 'top secret. Dilbert: Are you a moron who works in our security department, or an industrial spy who is too lazy to look through lots of envelopes? The boss: Our security guys don't slap that hard or run that fast.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dinosuar, #law suit, #no interuptions, #prior employee, #slapped, #slapped with a suit, #take off, #business suit

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob: Im Bob the esquire dinosaur. your exemployee, wally, hired me to step you with a suit for hiring him. Take off your suit is I can slap you with it. Carol: Not now, He's being slapped with a suit and I don't want top ruin the rhythm.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antimatter version, #killed, #cup of coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "You know that antimatter version of yourself that you brought to work?" Alice says, "I killed him with a cup of coffee. I think he enjoyed it. Because he's, like, opposite." Alice says, "But enough about me. How's your day going?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no right to opinion, #conversation, #convey useful info, #bonding

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says, "And then she acted as if I have no right to my opinion!" Dilbert says, "Is the point of this conversation to convey useful information, or just to make yourself feel better at my expense?" Tina says, "Maybe we're bonding." Dilbert says, "Maybe not."