Stuff To Steal Comic Strips - Page 13

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

222 Results for Stuff To Steal

View 121 - 130 results for stuff to steal comic strips. Discover the best "Stuff To Steal" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #overhead, #time, #wasting, #frustration, #yelling, #stealing, #project

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Wally, can you take a look at this?" Wally says, "I'd be delighted. What's your project charge code?" Man says, "It will only take a minute." Wally says, "Are you suggesting that I lie about my time?" Man says, "It's only one minute." Wally says, "By that line of reasong, it's okay to steal as long as you don't take too much." Wally says, "Incidentally, I have to charge you for the time it just took to label you a thief." Man says, "FORGET I'LL ASK SOMEONE ELSE!" Wally thinks, "Let's call that overhead."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agreeing, #meeting, #calendar, #scheduling, #ignorant, #clueless, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "We agreed on about fifty things today, but you didn't take any notes." Dilbert says, "Let's schedule our next meeting to rehash all the stuff you'll forget from today." Dilbert says, "DO you have your calendar with you?" Morgan says, "No. Why do you ask?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cultural sensitivity, #elbonians, #negotiating, #soul, #training, #yawn

View Transcript

Transcript

CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING Man says, ?Elbonians believe that if you yawn in their direction, you steal their soul.? Alice says, ?In other words, we can use it as a negotiating tool.? Man says, ?No, that's not...? LATER Alice says, ?Okay, my intern has your soul. Give us a 20% discount or he swallows.?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trash, #garbage man, #soul, #shamwow, #suck, #wrong, #towel over head, #steal

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "The word on the street is that you can help me get my soul back." Garbage man says, "Souls are totally fungible. Use this shamwow to absorb someone else's soul while you suck on the other end." Asok thinks, "Why does this suddenly seem so wrong?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #math, #project, #fail, #disaster, #embarrassed, #act dumb, #cancel, #buy, #question, #demonstrate, #hands up, #education, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "The math clearly shows that our project won't work, even if we do everything right." The Boss says, "It's embarrassing to cancel a project in the middle. Let's act dumb and hope someone in upper management cancels it for budget reasons." Dilbert says, "Should I stop buying stuff?" The Boss says, "You should buy twice as much."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high priorities, #standing, #coffee, #vendor comparison, #face front, #work ethic, #lazy, #suspicious, #annoyed

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Wally, did you finish the vendor comparison?" Wally says, "I'm proud to say I did not." Wally says, "You told me to focus on my highest priorities, and that wasn't one of them." The Boss says, "So? when can I expect it?" Wally says, "Logically, that would be never." Wally says, "If that task ever became the most important thing I was doing, you'd eliminate my position." The Boss says, "True. But at least you're getting the high priority stuff done, right?" Wally says, "So far, it's taking all of my energy to avoid doing the low priorities."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tired, #exhausted, #research, #lie, #avoid work, #lab report, #meeting, #write down, #science, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I'm exhausted from all of the basic research I'm doing." Wally says, "It's too bad that the value of my work won't be quantifiable for another ten years." The Boss says, "I'd like to see your lab report." Wally says, "So? the new rule is that we write down stuff?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #technical jargon, #lame, #condescending, #integration layer, #insult, #head, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "This week I mapped our applications to our domains and defined the interface between our applications and our software environment." Wally says, "Whatever you did this week probably seems lame compared to all of that." Wally says, "The stuff I'm doing is way up here in what's called in the integration layer." The Boss says, "What's he's been reading?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #scientist, #music player, #throw coffee cup, #kung fu, #knock out, #steal idea, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I invented a music device that reads your brain waves and only plays songs that fit your mood." The Boss says, "Kung Fu coffee cup!" BONK! The Boss says, "Hey, look what I invented!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #servers, #delete unnecessary data, #pretend, #imagine, #profile

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I need you to delete all of the unnecessary data from our servers to make room." Dilbert says, "Technically it's all unnecessary because our decisions are always based on flawed logic anyway." The Boss says, "Can you pretend some of it is necessary?" Dilbert says, "Sure. Can you pretned I deleted the stuff that isn't?"