Stupid Misperceptions Comic Strips - Page 13
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Dilbert: Heres the technical analysis that you ask for, I don't understand any of it. I can't tell if its right or if it would envbrass me. I can't ask for a second opinion with out looking stupid, and I can't distribute it because it might be wrong, I'll out it on this pile and hope something changes. I wonder of its called whistling when only amor comes out, Carol: Should I shred your pile of indecision, The Boss: make it link like an accident.
"When our pointy-haired boss asks you about your project, what should you say?" "I would inform him about any problems." "Big mistake. If he hears that you have a problem, he might try to help." "How can help be bad?" "Asok, how's your project?" "Good, but I need to upgrade my disk drive to store all of the image data." "Forget that. Just e-mail peices of the database to employees who have extra disc space." "Please pull on this until I lose consciousness."
Try to get through this meeting without teling our customers how stupid you think they're being. "I'll try." "But sometimes the pressure builds up in my head and it's unbearable." "Tough it out." "Is he okay? "He's fine. Ignore him."
Asok: "La-la-la-la-la... oops." "I inadvertently erased our entire customer database and all of the backups." "How can I explain this to our pointy-haired boss?" "Grab your laptop and follow me." "It's only a prototype. So whatever you do, don't touch anything." "GAAa!!! YOU ERASED THE CUSTOMER DATABASE!!" "ALL OF THE BACKUPS, TOO, YOU STUPID, STUPID #*@!*!" "I should've stopped before #*@!*!"
The Boss: "Alice, I need your forecast and I need it right now." Alice: "I predict that someday you'll wear your pants so high that you'll choke yourself to death with your belt." "And the towns-people will erect a statue to honor your belt." The Boss: "Stupid towns-people."
The boss: "Alice, where are the quality estimates that I asked you for an hour ago?" "It's between your left arm and your stout torso, about elbow-high." "Stupid elbow."
"I keep forgetting where I put things." "The problem is that you're stupid." "I recommend replacing your brain with a monkey brain." "Will that help?" "No, I just hate monkeys."
"I am Mordac, the preventer of information technology, and I have assigned you a new password." "What is it?" "Click click" "It's the full text of 'The Da Vinci Code,' excluding the parts I don't believe." "I'm not touching you." "Stupid scenery descriptions!"
We've narrowed our target market to this guy. "He's the only one rich enough and stupid enough to buy our high-end product." "Our diamond-encrusted time machine will take you one hour into the future in only sixty minutes!"
"Ted, you've been saying negative things about the company in your personal blog. We have to fire you." "I have freedom of speech. It's my constitutional right to say whatever I want." "If you fire me for my opinions, you'll be spitting on the graves of our founding fathers." "I'll get the best lawyer that money can't buy, and fight you all the way to the Supreme Court!" "The only way you can legally fire me is if my work isn't good." "Ooh. I probably said too much here." "Your work isn't good. Here's your final paycheck." "Stupid founding fathers."