Use Pc Comic Strips - Page 13

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View 121 - 130 results for use pc comic strips. Discover the best "Use Pc" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spare cubicles, #house convicts, #opinions mattered, #prisoners complained

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Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Effective immediately, we will no longer use our spare cubicles to house convicts." Wally raises his fist and says, "Yes!!! Our opinions mattered!" The Boss says, "Actually it's because the prisoners complained." Wally and Dilbert walk down the hall past a cubicle. Dilbert says, "I wonder what he plans to do with spare cubicles now." They cannot see that there are pigs inside the cubicle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #habits of highly defective people, #ignore signs, #belittle people, #newest team, #all complainers fault, #motivate me, #therapist, #controversial issues, #barney as mascot, #assembly line code, #prejudices, #crisp photo copy, #cpmics, #psychology

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The panel contains the title, "The Seven Habits of Highly Defective People." The caption says, "1. Ignore any signs of discomfort in others." The Boss sits across the table from a dusty skeleton and says, "But hey, I've been doing all of the talking." The caption says, "2. Use humor to belittle people in public." The Boss puts his arm around a man and tells Wally, "Our newest team member has movie star looks. Specifically, Lassie." Wally laughs. The caption says, "3. Treat all complaints as the complainer's fault." Dilbert says, "You don't motivate me." The Boss replies, "Maybe you should see a therapist." The caption says, "4. Show up late and raise controversial issues." The Boss walks into a meeting room and says, "I think we should license 'Barney' as our mascot." The caption says, "5. Give advice on things you don't understand." The Boss points to Dilbert's monitor and says, "Try writing some assembly line code here." The caption says, "6. Use compliments to show your prejudices." The Boss says to Alice, "Ooh, nice crisp photocopy, Alice. I don't think a man could have done it better!" The caption says, "7. Think the comics are not about you." The Boss reads the newspaper and says, "Hee hee! Look at the hair on that guy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greatest accomplishemnts, #big raise, #draft, #white paper, #impact of work, #owls, #losy woodland, #habitats

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Dogbert sits in Dilbert's office with a laptop balanced on his lap. He says to Dilbert, "Tell me your greatest accomplishments at work. I'll use that to hype you up with your boss so you get a big raise." Dilbert says, "I wrote a draft of a white paper on a strawman process to reengineer our product process." Dogbert asks, "And what was the impact of that work?" Dilbert answers, I think some owls lost their woodland habitats."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss's ignorance, #advantage, #impresses him, #accomplishments, #barney suit, #secret identity

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "You must learn to use your boss's ignorance to your advantage." Dogbert continues, "Find out what impresses him and list it on your accomplishments." Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss reads a document and says, "You're the actor in the 'Barney' suit?!! I love that guy!" Dilbert says, "Don't tell anybody my secret identity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #3d rendering, #career, #computing needs, #finance dept

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Ratbert is seated at a table with Dilbert. Ratbert says, "The finance department has analyzed your computing needs and decided to give you a 286 PC." Ratbert continues, "That should be sufficient for the 3D-rendering you need to do." Ratbert continues, "Besides, how many times are you going to do 3D-rendering in your career?" Dilbert responds, "Once, if I hurry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mister catbert, #diversity, #the worse, #german accent, #Wally, #computer issues

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Wally is in Catbert's office. Wally says, "Mister Catbert, the company is trying to force me to use a different kind of computer." Wally continues, "You're the Human Resources Director. What are you doing to stop this religious persecution??! What ever happened to 'diversity??'" Catbert responds, "The longer you verk here, diverse it gets . . . Next."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #told stan, #marketing, #dna, #gullibility, #reverse process, #entire reality, #unverified, #anecdotes, #rumour, #alleged focus group, #becoming weasel, #business

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I jokingly told Stan in marketing that I reprogrammed his DNA. He's so gullible that he's actually changing!" Dogbert suggests, "You must use his gullibility to reverse the process. Remember, his entire reality is shaped by unverified customer anecdotes." Dilbert tells Stan, "I heard a rumor of a story of an alleged focus group where a quote taken out of context indicates you're not becoming a weasel." Stan says, "I'm not?! Yipeee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #start documenting, #market requirements, #design skills, #rewarding, #work, #doo hickey

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Dilbert and Stan from marketing sit at a conference table. As he types on a laptop, Dilbert tells Stan, "Okay, let's start by documenting your market requirements." Stan responds, "No, let's start by you telling me all the things you can design. Then I'll tell you which one I like." Dilbert says, "Work can be very rewarding. You should try it." Stan points to Dilbert's portable PC and asks, "What's that doohickey you have there?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business cards, #full title, #director, #product enhancemnets, #acronym dope, #product ehancement

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The Boss says to his secretary who sits at her desk, "Carol, the next time you order my business cards, spell out my full title: 'Director of Product Enhancements.'" The Boss continues, "Don't use the acronym 'DOPE.'" The secretary replies, "I didn't know you were the Director of Product Enhancements."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teds baby shower, #stapler, #paper bag dress, #cubicle this morning, #stapler on desk, #disappeared from desk

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Ted is at his baby shower with Dilbert, Alice and Wally. He has just opened a present and says, "Oh look, it's a stapler . . ." Ted continues, "I can use this to take up the hem on the lovely handcrafted paper bag dress that Dilbert made." Looking at the stapler, Ted comments, "It looks just like the one that disappeared from my cubicle this morning." Wally says, "Except yours had staples."