Catbert Comic Strips - Page 13
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655 Results for Catbert
View 121 - 130 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday November 20,
2014
Board Offers Dogbert Severence Package
Tags avarice, compensation, executives, golden parachute, greed, money, wages
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO. Catbert: The board has approved a $100 million golden parachute if you quit now. Dogbert: $100 million?!!! How am I supposed to live on that? You insult me! Catbert: That's a lot of money for doing nothing. Dogbert: Bah! I spend more than that on soft cheese.
Tuesday November 11,
2014
Ted Retires And Dies Same Day
Tags cruelty, death, managers, retirement, conincidence, luck, retired, dropped dead, overworked, medical
Transcript
Catbert: Ted retired yesterday and dropped dead this morning. You worked him to death with perfect timing. Nicely done/ Unless it was just a coincidence. Boss: If I'm being honest, hitting the exact day was just luck.
Saturday November 08,
2014
Tags human resources, intern, interns, Promotion, promotions, no career path, internship, business
Transcript
Asok: Is it my imagination or is there no career path here from intern to anything else? Catbert: If we promote you, we just have to find another intern. No one wins in that scenario. Asok: Actually, I would be the winner in that scenario. Catbert: I've never thought of it that way and I don't like it.
Friday November 07,
2014
Tags egyptians, engineers, human resources, pyramids, pharoahs, secrets, reschedule, meeting, historically accurate, new policy, business
Transcript
Catbert: Egyptian pharaohs killed the engineers who build their pyramids so they would never share their secrets. Dilbert: No... I don't think they did. Catbert: Really? Dang! Can we reschedule this meeting until I find a historically accurate explanation of our new policy?
Wednesday November 05,
2014
Tags ceos, leadership, obliviousness, public speaking, media, zero sales, staff resigned, fireing, wisdom, Entertainment
Transcript
Catbert: Our sales dropped to zero because you told the media we have a better product coming soon. And 95% of the staff resigned because you announced plans to fire 50% of them. Maybe it would be better if you never spoke to anyone again. CEO: How would people get my wisdom.
Monday October 20,
2014
Tags employees, honesty, lying, morale, punishing honesty, 100% perfect, business
Transcript
Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: Is it just my simulated imagination or are all of the employees lying to me all the time? Catbert: We trained them to be that way by punishing honesty. Robot: How is you project coming along? Alice: 100% perfect! Couldn't be better!
Saturday October 11,
2014
Tags business casual, clothing, dorks, dress code, fashion, business dorky, unstylish, tan colored, dumb name, new order
Transcript
Catbert: Our new dress code is "Business Dorky." Your clothes must be dorky, unstylish, and 50% tan colored. Dilbert: So... business casual? Catbert: That's a dumb name for it.
Thursday October 09,
2014
Tags high five, human resources, managers, work ethic, trash talking, emplyee, boss, desk, practice, cat, human, animals, business
Transcript
Catbert: I'm getting complaints that you've been trash-talking employees' families so they'll spend more time at work. I stopped by to give you a high-five from Human Resources. Your aim is terrible. Boss: The first one was practice~
Wednesday October 01,
2014
Tags drinking, hiring, personality tests, sales, sales personnel, sociopaths, storytelling skills, morgue, selfie, dead guy, super drunk, hired, sales person, new hire, business
Transcript
Boss: I can tell a lot from an applicant's storytelling skills. So tell me a story. Man: Last week, I broke into a morgue and took a selfie with a dead guy. But in my defense, I was super drunk. Boss: I hired a new salesperson.
Sunday September 28,
2014
Tags bird poop, cars, incentives, mass transit, punishment, worst employee of the month, special parking spot, big tree, every bird, firemans axe, wallow in shame, incentives dont work
Transcript
Boss: You've been named worst employee of the month. The honor comes with a special parking spot. It's under the big tree that every bird in the county uses as a restroom. By the end of the day, you'll need a fireman's axe just to find the door handle. As you chop your way toward the inner core that is your car, think about how you could have worked harder this month. You'll probably draw a crowd in the parking lot so remember to wallow in your shame. Wally: I take mass transit to work. Boss: Incentives don't work.


