A B Test Comic Strips - Page 13
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"Hey, Dilby, Dil-boy, Dilly-dally, Dilbo Baggins, Dill Pickle!" "I need a favor." "Does it involve spitting on your grave?" "I'm not dead." "Well then, I guess we both need a favor."
"You pay will be calculated a new way." "Then I said teal isn't a color." "Shhh! no side conversations." "Multiplied by the base salary." "I think it's a spice." "No side conversations." "It's like cilantro." "I can't help it. I'm the kind of guy who needs to talk or else it feels like my head will explode." "Let's test that theory." Mmmph! "Wow, that worked out better than I'd hoped."
Dilbert: "Our new chip is slower than our competition's products." The Boss: "We'll claim we're the fastest. If anyone does benchmark tests, we'll say they used old drivers." Dilbert: "Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I should be wearing a wire." The boss: "Since when is marketing a crime?"
The Boss: "I ask all prospective employees this question to test their reasoning." "You have one fox and two chickens that you need to get across a river. You can only take one at a time in the rowboat. The fox will eat the chickens if left alone." "I'd buy livestock insurance, then barbecue the chickens and blame the fox." Boss: "Can you start today?"
Wally: "Every morning I rank my tasks as A, B, or C priorities." The Boss: "And then you work on the 'A' priorities first?" Wally: "To be honest, after I update the list, there isn't much left in the tank."
Headline: Career Counseling. Dilbert sits across from a client. The client says, "I love to hear myself talk." The client continues, "But I don't like it when people roll their eyes and go 'phhht.'" The client continues, "I'd like a job where people are forced to nod and smile while I babble." The client adds, "And I'd like to punish people for my own mistakes." Dogbert says, "I recommend a career in management." Dogbert continues, "Just to be sure, I'm going to give you a management aptitude test." The client replies, "Hey, I have an idea. Maybe I should pursue a career in management!" Dogbert says, "Congratulations! You just passed the management aptitude test." The client exclaims, "Yes!"
Dilbert and his mom are eating dinner. Dilbert says, "Mom, I'll get fired unless you drop your lawsuit against my company." Dilbert's mom replies, "Why do you work for a company that's managed by despicable weasels?" Dilbert responds, "They tell me it's because I enjoy the challenge." Dilbert's mom says, "I demand a DNA test."
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "My technology test was a huge failure because I had to use a rope as my electronic cable." Dilbert continues, "Our procurement manager is a monkey who signed an exclusive cable contract with a rope vendor." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'd rather not take sides until I hear the monkey's version."
A newscaster on television says, "The impoverished nation of Elbonia became a nuclear power today." Dilbert pours coffee and watches the news. The newscaster continues, "They plan to test their one and only warhead to frighten their enemies in Kneebonia." Two Elbonians are carrying the warhead. One Elbonian says, "I'M not going to ask him for a match. YOU ask him!"