Boss Sidekick Comic Strips - Page 13
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boss: dilbert, i'm assigning you to the network redesign project. dilbert: what phase is that project in? is it in the initial stage, in which everyone is feeling positive and optimistic? or is it in the middle phase, in which everyone is finding away and hating the other team members? boss: it's in the death spiral phase. everyone is trying to assign blame to someone they already hate. they requested that i add you to the team. dilbert: to save the project? boss: um...okay, sure.
in office building boss: okay, team. we can get this done if we trust each other. alice: that's not a thing. dilbert: i don't trust any of you. boss: maybe we can pretend. dilbert: i'd need to pretend we're different people.
bos: which of your two projections do you think is more accurate? dilbert: they are both random guesses. i made two of them to create an illusion of a credible range. boss: so...would it be reasonable to pick the midpoint? dilbert: it's as reasonable as your other decisions.
tina: i don't want to sit too near your 5G phone prototype. i worry that it will fry my eggs. boss: don't be silly. this phone was extensively tested for safety by qualified experts. boss to dogbert: i need you to test this 5G phone for safety. dogbert at desk labeled "low-cost testing: it looks fine to me. i'll email you my bill.
boss: we are rolling out our new 5G wireless service today. dilbert: we don't have any 5G technology. boss: it's really 4G, but no one wants that, so we call it 5G. dilbert: people will complain. boss: that's okay. we're also making it impossible to reach us by phone.
dilbert: and that's why i recommend creating a 5g format called orthogonal frequency division multiplexing. boss: that will never work. dilbert: it's already an industry standard. i was joking. boss: stop doing the to me. dilbert: i don't know if i can.
boss: ask my assistant to put it on my calendar. dilbert: why can't you just put it on your calendar right now? boss: i'm more of a thought leader. i don't like to work with my hands.
boss with laptop on video conference. boss: um, wally. do you know your camera is on? boss is shaken and yelling: wally!!! no!!! gaaa!!! i can't unsee it! dilbert and wally in another room. dilbert: how was your zoom call? wally: i found a way to shorten it by an hour.
Dilbert: i upgraded our a.i. prototype to make management decisions. smart speaker: slay the weak dilbert: i think that's a bug. boss: hold on. let's hear it out.
boss on video conference with dilbert and alice. boss: we're going to start having zoom happy hour every weekday to boost morale. dilbert: you're the only one in the entire department who drinks alcohol. boss: you're all looshers. alice: did you already start drinking? boss: i love you!