High Rates Comic Strips - Page 13

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164 Results for High Rates

View 121 - 130 results for high rates comic strips. Discover the best "High Rates" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #family friendly policies, #higher profits, #high profits, #true costs, #camouflage, #five minute break

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A woman points at a chart and says, "My study shows that the companies with 'Family Friendly' policies have higher profits." Dilbert sits in the audience with Wally, Alice and other employees. He raises his hand and says, "Question: Do family policies cause high profits or do high profits simply camouflage the true costs of the policies?" The woman says, "We'll take a five-minute break so the married people can slap you for asking that." Dilbert says, "Ouch!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 1997's comic on:


Tags #come back, #manager, #moron, #promotions, #raises, #leaving company

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Asok and Alice sit at a table eating lunch. Alice says, "When I was your age, we had things called 'promotions' and 'raises.'" Alice continues, "These days you can only get ahead by leaving the company for a year then coming back as a high-level manager." Asok says, "So the theory must be that anyone who would return to this company is . . ." Alice answers, "A moron. Correct."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 1996's comic on:


Tags #two day workshop, #mission, #vision, #useless jargon, #illiterate execustives, #mind numbing, #job security, #ethical behavior, #better idea, #high marks, #class evalutaion

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A man says, "In this two day workshop, you will learn to embrace our company's mission and vision." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in the audience. The man continues, "At first glance it will appear to be a bunch of useless jargon created by functionally illiterate executives." The man continues, "But after we do some mind-numbing group exercises . . ." The man continues, ". . . You'll forget that you're underpaid and you have no job security." The man turns to an easel and says, "We'll begin by writing down all the things that 'ethical behavior' means to you." Alice says, "I've got a better idea: if you let us leave now, we'll give you high marks on the class evaluation." The man stands at the front of the room thinking. Wally hands the man his evaluation and says, "Good job. You touched me." The man replies, "You wish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #high morale?, #hr director, #love feedback, #morale is low, #more frequent reviews, #employees underpaid

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Catbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Morale is low because the employees are underpaid." Catbert continues, "You can compensate by having more frequent performance reviews. They love feedback." Catbert clenches his teeth and thinks, "The hardest part is keeping a straight face." The Boss says, "Tell me again why I'd want morale to be high?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 1996's comic on:


Tags #phil, #prince insufficient light, #spreme ruler, #hideous fates sins, #high pay, #eternal poverty, #useful, #appreciated, #current job, #telecommuting

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Phil the Ruler of Heck watches Dilbert and thinks, "My next victim." Phil says, "I am Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light and Supreme Ruler of Heck!!" Dilbert sits at his desk and replies, "Hi, Phil." Phil says, "You must choose one of these two hideous fates to pay for your sins." Phil continues, "You can choose eternal high pay, but all of your work will be burned in front of you at the end of each day . . ." Phil continues, "Or you can choose eternal poverty, but your work will be useful and appreciated." Dilbert says, "WOW! They're BOTH better than my current job!" Dilbert says, "Hey, Wally, you might want to get in on this!" Wally confesses, "I watch tv when I'm supposed to be telecommuting." Phil thinks, "I hate the nineties." Dilbert waves his hand and says, "Do me first!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #department newsletter, #high profile assignment, #technical writer, #intern and rodent, #spats page, #raise based, #topless model

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The Boss, Tina the Tech Writer, Asok the Intern and Ratbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I want you three to write the department newsletter. It's an important, high-profile assignment." Tina says, "I am an experienced technical writer. You have placed me on a project with an intern and a rodent." Tina continues, "MY next raise will depend on THEIR performance." Asok says, "I'll do the sports page!" Ratbert says, "I'll be the topless model on page two."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #software development work, #impoverished nation, #elbonia, #high quality code, #no risk, #red alert.elbonia, #be computer tomorrow

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I moved our software development work to the impoverished nation of Elbonia." The Boss continues, "I'm brilliant. They write high-quality code for six cents a day! There's no risk!" Dilbert thinks, "Red alert!" In Elbonia, an Elbonian wearing a box on his head says, "Tomorrow, YOU be the computer." Another Elbonian stands in front of him pretending to type on a keyboard.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #obstacle to success, #poor graphics, #inability to communicate, #beyond communication, #think clearly, #high five, #broke code, #participate, #meetings

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The Boss puts a transparency on the overhead projector and says, "This graphic shows our biggest obstacle to success." The diagram shows an arrow through a series of acronyms. Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at the conference table looking confused. Wally asks, "Are you saying our biggest obstacle to success is poor graphics?" Alice replies, "I think he's saying our biggest problem is his overall inability to communicate." Dilbert says, "I think his point goes beyond communication. He's showing us that he doesn't even THINK clearly!" Wally says, "That's it!" Alice says, "High five!!" Wally shouts, "You broke the code!" The Boss says, "You know how I said you should participate more in meetings? I didn't mean it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 1995's comic on:


Tags #boss evil, #entity from another dimension, #synergies, #win win solution, #delight every customer, #new internet access, #tour of cubicles

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Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist asks, "When did you start believing that your boss was an evil entity from another dimension?" Dilbert imagines the Boss telling him, "I'd like to sit in on your customer meeting." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss, Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let me share the high level strategic view." Dilbert thinks, "Here we go." The Boss spreads his arms and says, "Life began in the primordial stew literally hundreds of years ago . . ." The Boss continues, "But we are the only company who ever found synergies in our win-win solutions!" The caption says, "Two hours later." The Boss says, "And we won't sop until we delight every customer!" The woman looks shocked and Dilbert covers his eyes. The customer says, "I'd be delighted if you just told me about your new Internet access product." The Boss replies, "I cancelled the funding yesterday." The Boss stands up and says, "Who's up for a tour of our cubicles?" Dilbert says, "Gotta go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 1995's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #financial advisor, #sticks, #nuuities, #capital gains, #reduce income taxes, #give me money, #die a pauper

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A prospective client sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says, "Stocks . . . annuities . . . derivatives . . . capital gains tax . . ." Dogbert shouts, "It's all too confusing for you!! Give me all your money now or you'll die a pauper!! Now! Now!! Before interest rates fall!! As he signs a document, the client says, "Will this reduce my income taxes?" Dogbert says, "More than you might guess."