Huge Retention Comic Strips - Page 13
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Dilbert is talking to a vendor. Pointing to a sheet of paper, Dilbert says, "I'll take this one." The vendor says, "No, no, no. Huge mistake." The vendor says to Dilbert, "You need the security and reliability of the XQ-7." Dilbert says, "Okay, I'll take the XQ-7." The vendor says, "Shoot! I wish my company made that one."
Dilbert looks as Wally who is holding an enormous bottle of water. Wally says, "I use my huge bottle of water to avoid work." Wally drinks from his huge bottle of water to the sound of, "Glug glug glug glug glug glug glug," and Dilbert watches. Wally continues drinking, to the sound of, "Glug glug glug glug," as Dilbert looks at his watch to time him. The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, would you... um... Wally? Uh... Wally..."
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says to Alice and the rest of the Management Training class, "What would you do if you made a huge, incredibly stupid mistake?" A man sitting next to Alice in the class raises his hand and says, "I would try to learn from it." Dogbert asks, "Did you learn anything from your answer?"
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Our CEO says we are poised for huge growth in earnings." The Boss continues, "In an unrelated move, he announced that he will leave the company before any of his stock options vest." Wally and Dilbert look horrified and their ties fly up in front of their faces as The Boss says, "The poor guy will miss all of our growth."
The Boss puts his hand on Ted's back and says, "Ted, there's a huege demand for employees like you." The Boss continues, "Not you specifically...which is funny if you think about it." The Boss calls after him as he walks away, "Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?"
ALICE: have you met the new CIO? Dilbert: No. Alice: I hear he's young. New Cio: Hello. We need to integrate our enterprise resource planning with our existing E-commerce platform. Now if you'll excuse me. Nature Calls. AAAHHH.... Then we'll decentralize the procurement function and....hold on a second. Gramps could you do me a huge favor?
LULU: come help me on this assignment. Its a huge crisis! Dilbert: LULU, DO you very wonder why your life is a series of crises? LULU: I assume god is softening me up before smiting me. Dilbert: excuse me while I put on my static guard.
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I cut your budget in half." Dilbert replies, "How can I do a technology installation without an adequate budget?!" The Boss says, "Try being unethical with our vendors." Dilbert answers, "What?" The Boss replies, "It's easy." The Boss continues, "Tell them we might make a huge purchase. Later..." The Boss goes on to say, "...If they give us a bunch of free stuff now." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If it makes you feel better, wait until they lie first." The vendor representative says to Dilbert, "And there are no hidden costs." Dilbert says to the representative, "Um...we might make a huge purchase later."
Ken says to Wally and Dilbert, "I got huge severance packages from the last four employers. Ken proudly goes on to say, "If I get fired one more time I can retire." The Boss approaches Ken from behind and says, "Ken, we need to talk." Ken snaps his finger and shouts, "Ka-ching!"
The Boss says to Dilbert while sitting at his desk, "Take this to the technology Buddha for enlightenment." Dilbert thinks to himself upon entering the Buddha's office and seeing him with his eyes closed and both hands on the desk, "He's busy meditating." Dilbert goes and stands next to the Buddha's chair all the while thinking to himself, "He must be very wise." The Buddha thinks to himself with both eyes shut, "Huge bowl of vanilla ice cream."