Named Project Manger Comic Strips - Page 13

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697 Results for Named Project Manger

View 121 - 130 results for named project manger comic strips. Discover the best "Named Project Manger" comics from Dilbert.com.

Women Communicate Better

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Women Communicate Better - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #gender, #listening, #talking, #conversation, #communication, #roles

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Alice: your project failed because there were no women on the team. Women have better communication skills. Every study shows that. Are you listening? Dilbert: Outwardly, yes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #logic, #reasoning, #managing, #managers, #leadership, #quality, #absurd

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Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.

Two Choices For A Project

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Two Choices For A Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #question, #trick, #choice, #illusion, #work, #assignment, #power

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Boss: Do you want the boring and awful project that is likely to succeed... or the fun project that is certain to fail and take your career with it? Dilbert: You came here to give both of them to me. Boss: Ha ha! You know me.

Dilbert's Project Is Late

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Dilbert's Project Is Late - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #raise, #wages, #money, #salary, #catch-22, #anger, #frustration, #labor, #review

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't finish your project on time. Dilbert: That's because you make me work on your personal project half of every day. Boss: You have to learn to say no. Dilbert: I've never wanted to kill you more than right now.

Writing Code In Spare Time

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Writing Code In Spare Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #start-up, #labor, #free, #money, #trick, #bully

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Boss: Maybe you can help write some code in your spare time for my side project. Dilbert: Are you using your power to bully me into working for your start-up for free? Boss: You can also invest in it. Dilbert: Not better!

Ted Has A Bad Feeling

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Ted Has A Bad Feeling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #fired, #firing, #prognostication, #predict, #psychic, #complaining, #complaint, #prophecy

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Ted: I have a bad feeling about the direction of my project. Boss: You complain too much. You're fired. Dilbert: So... now you believe you can predict the future. Ted: Magic is real.

Not That Invested In Your Success

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Not That Invested In Your Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #communication, #excuse, #excuses

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Wally: I made no progress on your project because I was waiting to ask you some questions. Coworker: You could have emailed me. Or texted me. Or stopped by my desk. Wally: I"m not that invested in your success.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #wifi, #wi-fi, #internet, #coffee shop, #public, #privacy, #security, #technology, #cyber security, #password, #identity, #identity theft, #passwords

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Dilbert: Yay, you have wi-fi! Now I can drink overpriced coffee while strangers steal my passwords. The timing is sort of a coincidence. Because I was just wondering what would be the fastest way to lose everything I own. And this fixes one of my other big problems too... I always want to share my browser history with strangers, and now I can! By the way, I'm Dilbert. Elbonian: I was Gropnorb, but now I go by Fred. Dilbert: Did a guy named Fred use your wi-fi? Elbonian: Right after he under-tipped.

Four Hour Meeting

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Four Hour Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #decision, #decisions, #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #time, #time management, #business

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Boss: Yesterday, in our four-hour meeting, we agreed to postpone the vendor selection. Dilbert: No, we agreed to use our existing vendor. Asok: I thought we agreed to cancel the whole project. Dilbert: We might need some clarity on this. Boss: Four more hours should do it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2015's comic on:


Tags #sales, #price, #prices, #bidding, #bid, #blackmail, #business

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Dilbert: This is not the deal we agreed on. Man: I forgot a few things on the first estimate, but you need them. Dilbert: I only picked you because you had the lowest price. Man: Yes, but not the vendor selection is done and it would be too much trouble for you to start over. It might even damage your career because you delayed the project. You could go to the second-highest bidder, but those guys would do the same thing to you. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I have no choice! This is blackmail, not commerce! Man: We call it "sales." I'll need all the cash in your wallet, too.