New Boss Is Posessed Comic Strips - Page 13
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1000 Results for New Boss Is Posessed
View 121 - 130 results for new boss is posessed comic strips. Discover the best "New Boss Is Posessed" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday January 24,
2021
Bad Qualities Cancel Out
Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, qualities, character, cancel, micro-manage, lazy, backstabbing, brave, lie, credibility, believe, employees, success, manager, random, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.
Friday January 22,
2021
High Morale
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, happy, embezzling, morale, employee engagement, train, mock, maockery
Transcript
dilbert singing and dancing. boss: you seem way too happy about your job. are you embezzling? dilbert: no, i'm experiencing great morale and high employee engagement, just the way you trained me. boss: that actually works? dilbert: it did until you made a mockery of it just now.
Tuesday January 19,
2021
Boss Traveling Through Hot Spots
Tags airlines, business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, booking, flight, airline, coronavirus, die, Promotion, greedy, demise, reward
Transcript
boss: it seems you are booking all of my connecting flights in coronavirus hot spots. you do realize that if i die, you don't get promoted to my job, right? carol: i'm not greedy. your demise would be reward enough.
Monday January 18,
2021
Captcha
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, application, app, robot, ability, evidence, explaination, moron, sense
Transcript
boss: gaaa! why can't i ever type the captcha letters correctly to get into this app? dilbert: your inability to prove you are not a robot is strong evidence that you are, in fact, a robot. boss: yes, that makes sense. dilbert: the other explanation is that you are a moron, and you know that isn't true, so...
Sunday January 17,
2021
Vaccine
Tags business, business ethics, covid-19, sarcasm, vaccine, pharma, company, target, safety, efficacy
Transcript
boss: i'm happy to announce that our company has produced a vaccine for covid-19. dilbert: how did we do that? we're not even a pharma company. boss: i'm not going to lie. we had to cut some corners to get it done. dilbert: such as... boss: well, for example... we couldn't meet every single target we hoped to achieve. dilbert: how many targets did we miss? boss: only two things. dilbert: safety and efficacy? boss: okay, four things.
Friday January 15,
2021
Every Expert Says
Tags business, idea, technology, work, old, new, future, expert, entrepreneurs, worldview
Transcript
boss: every expert in the world says your idea can't work. dilbert: experts only know about old ideas. if they knew about future ones, they would be entrepreneurs, not experts. boss: well, my entire worldview just collapsed. dilbert: sorry
Wednesday January 13,
2021
Make Or Break Project
Tags business, technology, project, career, performance, budget
Transcript
boss: dilbert, i'm putting you in charge of a project that will make or break your career. this is the big one. the rest of your life will depend on how you perform on this project. dilbert: what's my budget? boss: no budget.
Tuesday January 12,
2021
The Moron Option
Tags business, technology, corporate rule, vendor, accounts receivable, 30 days, pay, payment, exception, moron
Transcript
dilbert: our corporate rule is that we won't do business with any vendor who does not give us at least 30 days to pay. dilbert: but we can get the same product for half the price if we go with the vendor who wants payment immediately. should we make an obvious exception here or be morons? boss: i think you're under-valuing the moron options.
Monday January 11,
2021
Keyboard Upgrades
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, keyboard, design, keys, better, hard, software, upgrades
Transcript
dilbert: i have an idea for a keyboard design that we upgrade every six months by rearranging where the keys are. boss: why would we do that? dilbert: to make it better. boss: that would only make it harder to use. dilbert: exactly like our software upgrades. what's your point?
Saturday January 09,
2021
Bribe One Judge
Tags business, business ethics, consumer, lawsuit, assignment, judge, bribe, lawyer, insult
Transcript
dogbert to boss: you have over seven hundred consumer lawsuits filed against you. if i can get them all assigned to the same judge, you only have to bribe one person. boss: are you even a lawyer? dogbert: heavens, no, and i didn't come here to be insulted.